Then it is Winter -- the Winter of my Life

[Photo credit: GOOGLE online images]

(7 Jan 2013 – Each day the image in one's mirror changes.  The years fly by, and then one day the mirrored image is that of a stranger. You touch the mirror, and you touch your face, and then wonder who that older person staring back at you is.  Where is that vibrancy and youthfulness of Yesterday?  How many Yesterdays have passed by, since you last saw that person?  And yet, you 'feel' the same, although the aches and pains of getting older are settling in for the duration.  Below is something I have seen on many websites, but have not found who authored it originally.  It seems close to my thoughts as I enter this new year of 2013, so I have transcribed and rewritten the story, and offer it here for reflection.
~Dorothy Hazel Tarr)

 

                             Then it is Winter -- the Winter of my Life!

 

Time has a way of silently moving by and catching you unaware of the passing years.  It seems only yesterday I was young, just married, and embarking on my new life with my mate.  Yet it is decades ago!  As I reflect now, I wonder where all the years went.  I know that I lived them all.

 

However, now it approaches -- THE WINTER OF MY LIFE -- and it catches me by surprise.  How did I get here so fast?  Where did the years go?  Where did my children go?  And, where did my youth go?

 

I remember well -- seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me.  My WINTER was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.  Now, here it is.  My friends are retired, getting grey, and move slower.  They are not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant.  Some friends are in better shape and some worse shape than I am.  Like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we would be.

 

In my own mirror, I see an older person now.  I see the great changes of Time's Toll all around.  Each day now, I find that just taking a shower is a real goal for the day!  Taking a nap is not a treat anymore, it is mandatory!  For if I do not take a nap of my own free will -- I just fall asleep where I sit, succumbed to Nature's Spell!  I enter into this WINTER season of my life now, unprepared for all the aches, pains, loss of strength, and the ability to go and do things that I wish I had done--but never did!

 

Albeit I know the WINTER season of life approaches, I am not sure how long it will last.  Nevertheless, this I know, that when it is over – it is over.  Yes, I have regrets.  There are things I wish I had not done.  Things I should have done.  Things I could have done.  Then, there are many things I am happy to have done.  It is all part of a lifetime – an Earthly Journey.

 

If you are not yet in your WINTER season -- let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think.  So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life -- do it soon!  Do not put things off too long!

 

Life goes by while you are busy preparing for tomorrow.  All too quickly, the tomorrows come and go, and in your WINTER season, your life is seen in a backward glance to the past.  So, do what you can today, for you can never be sure whether this is your WINTER or not!  Whether this is your final season or not!

 

Since there is no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life, live for today and say all the things you want your loved ones to remember.  Then hope they appreciate and love you for all the things you have done for them in all the years past!

 

Life is your gift today!  The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after!  Make it a memorable one and live it well !

 

Remember—

It is health that is real wealth, and not pieces of gold or silver.

May you always have Love to Share, Health to Spare, and Friends that Care!

(Original author unknown; transcribed and rewritten by Dorothy Hazel Tarr, copyright Jan 2013)

WHAT'S IN A DAY?

                (Photo Source:   Google internet images)

(17 Apr 2012 -- Sometimes the day is so full of things to do and thoughts to ponder, that it becomes so easy to overlook the current moments in TODAY!  This is a reminder to myself to be in the moment for there is no other!  dht)

Look to the future – but not so far as to miss Today!

Remember the past – but not so far as to miss Today!

Plan elaborate schemes -- but not so far as to miss Today!

Dream wistfully – but not so far as to miss Today!

Today is all there is!

Today is all there ever will be!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

WINDS OF TIME

[Photo Source: Google online images]

(26 Jan 2012 --   So many decisions, choices, and options -- challenge every waking moment.  Each has a consequence that only Time will Tell.  Where would I BE, if another choice were made at any juncture?  Would this moment even BE for me, if another choice were elected?  What color my Path?  What reality my consequence?  dht)

Where ever will the Winds of Time may blow.

One's Path is uncertain and without governance.

Our reality a Dream of delights, and disordered nightmares.

Each step along the Path proffers a moment of decision.

Each juncture -- cause for pause and reflection.

Where both obstacles and bridges are to be crossed.

Our Faith the nave source whence strength radiates.

Where mirth and consequence converge.

Where frankincense and myrrh embalm the Spirit.

Each moment is a step in the road toward our Journey's End.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

=====

 "To finish the moment, to find the journey's end in every step of the road, to live the greatest number of good hours, is wisdom.  It is not the part of men, but of fanatics, or of mathematicians, if you will, to say, that, the shortness of life considered, it is not worth caring whether for so short a duration we were sprawling in want, or sitting high.  Since our office is with moments, let us husband them." [Ralph Waldo Emerson}

"What's past and what's to come is strewed with husks
And formless ruin of oblivion;
But in this extant moment, faith and truth,
Strained purely from all hollow bias-drawing,
Bids thee, with most divine integrity,
From heart of very heart, great Hector, welcome! "

 [William Shakespeare (1564-1616), British dramatist, poet.  Agamemnon, in Troilus and Cressida, act 4, sc. 5, l. 166-71.  Greeting Hector]

And  entering the house, they found the child with Mary his mother, and falling down they worshipped him.  And opening their treasures they offered him gifts of gold, and frankincense, and myrrh" (The Holy Bible, The Catholic Press, Chicago, Illinois, 1958 – The New Testament, Matthew 2:11).

=====

Stepping Through – The Risks / The Promises

[Photo Source: Google online images]

(Jan 2012 – A handful of vanished years gone too soon.  So many unfulfilled Hopes and Dreams.  So many disappointments and regrets living with People who do not return one's Love, Friendship, or Respect.  It is unbearable to care so much, and not to be cared for in return.  There is always the Promise of Tomorrow – Hope for a better Life.  There is only the effort to gather your courage and take the risk and Step Through the Mirror.  dht) 

Stepping through the Mirror of Today into Tomorrow is a risk, where something new can pose a sudden threat and where a terrifying state could be waiting for one on the other side of Today to be dealt with as best one can.  Once one takes that Step to "move on", life will never be the same – all that is Now – this Moment – will pass away.  "Moving on" is a risk accompanied commonly by new dangers to be faced, new challenges to be confronted, and new hurdles to overcome.

There are "People" who "move on" in their Lives, Loves, Interests, and leave behind a landscape of discarded spirits scorched and barren, where no seeds of happiness can find ground to root and grow.  Life is short in the Winter Years – there is no time for repeat performances by the "People" who affect one's Life in a negative manner – so remaining alone and divorced and estranged from those "People" is the lesser risk.

The Past – with all its joys and sorrows is safe ground and familiar from frequent traversing.  The Past holds few risks – only remembered regrets and disappointments and tears – some surprises though, too, as New Insight surface from deep reflections of events Displaced in Time.

Loneliness is Loneliness – no matter the number of facebook "friends", extended Family, or acquaintances.  The Winter Years present choices for sure, but Seniors have to accept whatever is offered – whatever is leftover – whenever and where ever – whether it is "Enough" or "Not Enough".  Always Waiting for Love, Hugs, Comfort, Companionship, and Caring.

The Promises of Tomorrow are always ahead – in the Future – a shining lure of happiness just out of reach – untouchable.  Stepping through the Mirror of Today into Tomorrow is a test of courage – a test a few are unable to pass and so Live in the Past or leave Life.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2012] 

[Photo Source: Google online images]

Winter's Calling – Lost Love

                    [Photo Source: Google online images]

(29 NOV 2011 – Love's bloom died on the branch – never to easily recover from Loss, Pain, and Betrayal.  When does the Pain fade – dull its sharp focus.  The price is too high.  I simply cannot see beyond the gaping maw of my fate before me, though another may.  Some say despair is paramount when one is no longer able to sustain, even for the briefest moment, the notion that all will be well in the end.  Perhaps if they understood how many pieces my heart had broken into, they would then suffer me.  dht)

Slowly – piece-by-piece – is the process of withdrawal unto self, the Spirit withering just as leaves on the tree wither in Winter's calling.

The enfolding warmth of a bright sunny day – loving spouse and Family – fall by the wayside of a troubled Path.

Reality's illusions of Familial Love -- drop away as falling leaves absent the limbs of trees.

Whispers of Lost Love rustle in the breeze, as favorite memories of days gone by -- drop away as dead leaves from barren branches.

As Times passes through Nature's Seasons, the past becomes muted as if the Years belonged to someone else – apart – just as the leaves on the ground seem to have forgotten from whence they sprang.

All Hope of a change of Season – of Heart – with renewed sprouts forthcoming of a Litany of Longing and Affection – died as the fallen leaves from barren branches.

As the last rays of Winter's light withdraws from a frozen Landscape – a cold Heart – the Season falls into Morpheus's embrace with silent tears.

Love's Mystery withered and died – when it should have grown – pushed to the deepest corner of the Heart – where no light shines and only shadows of memories linger.

A new Spring follows the Winter's solstice for some -- for others the Change of Season cannot be weathered and can no longer "move on" with Life's Journey.

Life's Journey is a lesson of survival without Love, without sunshine, without warmth -- bereft of Hope, of Happiness, Youth, Dreams --

Forever Lost – Forever! 

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

The Path Behind

                            [Photo Source: Google online images]

(23 OCT 2011 - Who is to say how long the Journey?  How long the Heartache?  How long the grieving?  Who can say – when it's done?  There is but ONE LIFE, but many ROADS and many TEARS to pave a Path!  Never again to relive those precious moments Past – Yet Never really living the Present!  Forevermore living on the sidelines and shadows! ~dht-2011)

The Past is so hard to release – 

at times, it is the only Reality –

the only Companion.

There is only the Past –

there is Nothing to take its place –

in the Here, Now, or Future.

The Path ahead holds no interest –

holds no variation –

holds no Hope.

Tis a never ending struggle –

putting one foot in front of the other –

getting through the daily serving –

of Heartache and Despair.

My daily walk -- Footsore –

with wounded Heart --

with eyes continually looking –

at The Path Behind.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

HOPE - 101

                                  [PHOTO Credit:  A wild rose -- my photo, my camera July 2011]

(This is just for all the 'HOPEFULS' who think tomorrow will be better -- bah hum bug ! dht-OCT 2011)

HOPE is a terrible, deceitful, two-faced entity.

It will keep you warm now and again –

but when it withers and fades –

the cold always comes back –

more bitter than before –

for then one feels the loss more keenly –

after knowing what could have been!

No matter how 'bad' my Life is –

I Never lose HOPE, that someday –
somehow -- a chance will open up –

and I'll be able to have a better Life.

How does that saying go –

Where there is HOPE -- There is Life.

So I must have Lost some of my Life –

when I Lost some of my HOPE!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

BY WHAT NAME

  [PHOTO SOURCE: Google online images – fractal]

(I wrote this, 6 Sep 2011, thinking about what I did Yesterday and what I need to address Today. All the while, I know there will be 'left-overs' that will not be done Today, and will have to be done sometime in the Future. I speculated upon what keeps me from completing all the things on my 'DO TODAY LIST'? Is it -- the over whelming tasks, energy levels, health issues, emotional baggage, fear that I won't have anything to do when the 'list' is done? Chuckles! -- There is ALWAYS things to do on the 'DO TODAY LIST' !!! dht-2011)

By what name the Past --

     be Yesterday

By what name the Present --

     be Today (Now)

By what name the Future --

     be Tomorrow.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

JUST A CANDLE'S AURA

                                  [PHOTO SOURCE: GOOGLE online images - flames]

(I wrote this, 15 Jul 2011, thinking about how bright the Future's venue from my youth's portal.  The visions of hope from my girlhood, were tarnished and faded by the reality of Life with all its challenges, disappointments, and distractions.  Now, in the winter years, the bright aura of my youth does not burn as blue a hue. dht-2011)

The brilliant Aura of Youth –

now harnessed by Life's Distractions

and Time's Passage –

fades until No More.

The Ending of the Day --  

has mellowed to a fine Hue –

the sharpness of a stormy Passage.

There's a momentary madness

burning high in Youth's Abode –

Now extinguished in Elder Days

of unrealized Wishes, Hopes, and Dreams.

The moment –

Nothing more remains –

Just A Candle's Aura !

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

WHERE ONLY SHADOWS DANCE

                                                        [PHOTO SOURCE: GOOGLE online images]

(I wrote this, 13 Jul 2011, in a gray frame of mind, all too frequently occurring.  The "good times" in my life so far removed and their memory fading, seemed to go by too quickly.  Only now as I re-play those favorites, do I feel I was not prepared to savor the precious few bright and clear moments.  With misty eyes and wet checks, I try to recall happier times, despairing at the barriers that the 'bad times" cloud with melancholy. dht-2011)

The days at times are shrouded

in unremitting shades of gray.

Dark shadows obscure

the corners of my life.

MELANCHOLY is as a shroud

that allows only gray scales of color –

NEVER the rainbow rues

of LOVE, JOY, HOPE, BELONGING...

The edges of memories blur –

their shape and texture mute –

with a blink of the mind's eye –

they recede.

How strange it seems they happened

Just As Quick in their Time.

Now replaying those moments over-and-over,

thoughts drift through Barriers

NOT even Time's Gate Keeper can Deny.

The vast darkness so dense at times,

the light cannot invade the Expanse

WHERE ONLY SHADOWS DANCE!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

Steps to the Rest of My Life

                          [PHOTO SOURCE -National Geographic online images]

(The writing below is not mine, but the SENTIMENTS are mine.  I offer a SPECIAL THANK YOU for the words and the comfort they proffer a broken Heart and walking wounded --  in our ever changing Journey.  Our Journey Begins -- as always with another stepping stone and learning experience in this path of LIfe, with that First Giant Step of Faith for a better Tomorrow!  Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011)

***************

Steps to the Rest of My Life

Today I will pause on the way to tomorrow,
and I’ll reflect on yesterday.

I’ll examine the reasons for my pain and my sorrow-
determine which debts I must pay!

I’ll retrace the steps that led me to this-
this cold place of darkness and fear!

And I’ll slay the dragons - if they still exist -
and the demons that invited me here!

I’ll leave them in ashes and never look back-
get rid of the pain and the strife!

I’ll tentatively take my first steps to the future-
those steps to the rest of my life!
[~ June Kellum, Feb 2004]

Website  [ http://juniesplace.blogspot.com/2009/02/poem-steps-to-rest-of-my-life.html ]