Then it is Winter -- the Winter of my Life

[Photo credit: GOOGLE online images]

(7 Jan 2013 – Each day the image in one's mirror changes.  The years fly by, and then one day the mirrored image is that of a stranger. You touch the mirror, and you touch your face, and then wonder who that older person staring back at you is.  Where is that vibrancy and youthfulness of Yesterday?  How many Yesterdays have passed by, since you last saw that person?  And yet, you 'feel' the same, although the aches and pains of getting older are settling in for the duration.  Below is something I have seen on many websites, but have not found who authored it originally.  It seems close to my thoughts as I enter this new year of 2013, so I have transcribed and rewritten the story, and offer it here for reflection.
~Dorothy Hazel Tarr)

 

                             Then it is Winter -- the Winter of my Life!

 

Time has a way of silently moving by and catching you unaware of the passing years.  It seems only yesterday I was young, just married, and embarking on my new life with my mate.  Yet it is decades ago!  As I reflect now, I wonder where all the years went.  I know that I lived them all.

 

However, now it approaches -- THE WINTER OF MY LIFE -- and it catches me by surprise.  How did I get here so fast?  Where did the years go?  Where did my children go?  And, where did my youth go?

 

I remember well -- seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me.  My WINTER was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.  Now, here it is.  My friends are retired, getting grey, and move slower.  They are not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant.  Some friends are in better shape and some worse shape than I am.  Like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we would be.

 

In my own mirror, I see an older person now.  I see the great changes of Time's Toll all around.  Each day now, I find that just taking a shower is a real goal for the day!  Taking a nap is not a treat anymore, it is mandatory!  For if I do not take a nap of my own free will -- I just fall asleep where I sit, succumbed to Nature's Spell!  I enter into this WINTER season of my life now, unprepared for all the aches, pains, loss of strength, and the ability to go and do things that I wish I had done--but never did!

 

Albeit I know the WINTER season of life approaches, I am not sure how long it will last.  Nevertheless, this I know, that when it is over – it is over.  Yes, I have regrets.  There are things I wish I had not done.  Things I should have done.  Things I could have done.  Then, there are many things I am happy to have done.  It is all part of a lifetime – an Earthly Journey.

 

If you are not yet in your WINTER season -- let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think.  So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life -- do it soon!  Do not put things off too long!

 

Life goes by while you are busy preparing for tomorrow.  All too quickly, the tomorrows come and go, and in your WINTER season, your life is seen in a backward glance to the past.  So, do what you can today, for you can never be sure whether this is your WINTER or not!  Whether this is your final season or not!

 

Since there is no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life, live for today and say all the things you want your loved ones to remember.  Then hope they appreciate and love you for all the things you have done for them in all the years past!

 

Life is your gift today!  The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after!  Make it a memorable one and live it well !

 

Remember—

It is health that is real wealth, and not pieces of gold or silver.

May you always have Love to Share, Health to Spare, and Friends that Care!

(Original author unknown; transcribed and rewritten by Dorothy Hazel Tarr, copyright Jan 2013)

DREAMS SURRENDERED

                        [Photo Source: Google internet images]

(9 June 2012 – How does one say farewell to the Hopes and Dreams of youth?  For many, Hope is the only thing that remains of a tattered Life.  Dreams the only realm where reality gives way – so one can Live with Peace and Happiness.  What does one do?  Where will Life's Journey take one?  When at last, the Hopes and Dreams of a Lifetime are finally gone?  dht)

There was a Time when youthful optimism filled each day and laid lightly on my shoulders.

Albeit, Fortune's Folly was swift to stamp out all remaining embers of Hope that mayhap lingered.

How reluctant to release one's hold - fastened so steadfast to Hopes and Dreams of Love, Family, and Friends.

For so long one's Hopes and Dreams were the Only Companions on Life's Road toward destiny.

Alas, finally, the Hopes for Tomorrow are forfeit and the Dreams Surrendered.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

Stepping Through – The Risks / The Promises

[Photo Source: Google online images]

(Jan 2012 – A handful of vanished years gone too soon.  So many unfulfilled Hopes and Dreams.  So many disappointments and regrets living with People who do not return one's Love, Friendship, or Respect.  It is unbearable to care so much, and not to be cared for in return.  There is always the Promise of Tomorrow – Hope for a better Life.  There is only the effort to gather your courage and take the risk and Step Through the Mirror.  dht) 

Stepping through the Mirror of Today into Tomorrow is a risk, where something new can pose a sudden threat and where a terrifying state could be waiting for one on the other side of Today to be dealt with as best one can.  Once one takes that Step to "move on", life will never be the same – all that is Now – this Moment – will pass away.  "Moving on" is a risk accompanied commonly by new dangers to be faced, new challenges to be confronted, and new hurdles to overcome.

There are "People" who "move on" in their Lives, Loves, Interests, and leave behind a landscape of discarded spirits scorched and barren, where no seeds of happiness can find ground to root and grow.  Life is short in the Winter Years – there is no time for repeat performances by the "People" who affect one's Life in a negative manner – so remaining alone and divorced and estranged from those "People" is the lesser risk.

The Past – with all its joys and sorrows is safe ground and familiar from frequent traversing.  The Past holds few risks – only remembered regrets and disappointments and tears – some surprises though, too, as New Insight surface from deep reflections of events Displaced in Time.

Loneliness is Loneliness – no matter the number of facebook "friends", extended Family, or acquaintances.  The Winter Years present choices for sure, but Seniors have to accept whatever is offered – whatever is leftover – whenever and where ever – whether it is "Enough" or "Not Enough".  Always Waiting for Love, Hugs, Comfort, Companionship, and Caring.

The Promises of Tomorrow are always ahead – in the Future – a shining lure of happiness just out of reach – untouchable.  Stepping through the Mirror of Today into Tomorrow is a test of courage – a test a few are unable to pass and so Live in the Past or leave Life.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2012] 

[Photo Source: Google online images]

TRANSITIONS – 2011-TO-2012

[Photo Source:  Google online images "New Year 2012"]

(23 DEC 2011 -- The endings and beginnings of events in our Lives are what stand in our memories.  For some there is birth, another death, and still others an illness or infirmity that are part of the passing Year 2011.  Feelings of Grief may shadow the close of the Year 2011 due to the ending of a marriage, relationship, occupation, education, service, or financial status.  While looking forward to 2012, those living may resolve to 'turn a new leaf', make a change, or gather new courage to just continue in the face of diminished Hope.  dht)

As the Year 2011 comes to a close, so the New Year 2012 awaits to begin.

For some the Year 2011 will be carved into their gravestone as the sign of the ending of their Life's Journey.

For others the Year 2011 will be written as their birthdate on their Birth Certificate.

For still others the Year 2011 will be remembered as the date of Graduation from school, entering or exiting the US Military, Marriage, Divorce, buying a car or house, bankruptcy, or more.

This New Year 2012 holds the sameness of prior years in Nature's Seasons – Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter.

There are also the same special Holidays in which to pause and ponder the World around us and our place in it.

There will be births, deaths, and other events of a person's Life on the Pages of the Calendar for 2012.

For many the Transition to the New Year 2012 is merely the Turning of a Page on a Calendar.

What will be the final notes on Your Appointment Calendar as 2011 Pages are closed? 

What reminders will be jotted down on the Calendar as 2012 Pages are opened?

[May the Angel on your shoulder watch over you all the moments of your Life's Journey.  HAPPY NEW YEAR – 2012. DOROTHY HAZEL TARR]

Winter's Calling – Lost Love

                    [Photo Source: Google online images]

(29 NOV 2011 – Love's bloom died on the branch – never to easily recover from Loss, Pain, and Betrayal.  When does the Pain fade – dull its sharp focus.  The price is too high.  I simply cannot see beyond the gaping maw of my fate before me, though another may.  Some say despair is paramount when one is no longer able to sustain, even for the briefest moment, the notion that all will be well in the end.  Perhaps if they understood how many pieces my heart had broken into, they would then suffer me.  dht)

Slowly – piece-by-piece – is the process of withdrawal unto self, the Spirit withering just as leaves on the tree wither in Winter's calling.

The enfolding warmth of a bright sunny day – loving spouse and Family – fall by the wayside of a troubled Path.

Reality's illusions of Familial Love -- drop away as falling leaves absent the limbs of trees.

Whispers of Lost Love rustle in the breeze, as favorite memories of days gone by -- drop away as dead leaves from barren branches.

As Times passes through Nature's Seasons, the past becomes muted as if the Years belonged to someone else – apart – just as the leaves on the ground seem to have forgotten from whence they sprang.

All Hope of a change of Season – of Heart – with renewed sprouts forthcoming of a Litany of Longing and Affection – died as the fallen leaves from barren branches.

As the last rays of Winter's light withdraws from a frozen Landscape – a cold Heart – the Season falls into Morpheus's embrace with silent tears.

Love's Mystery withered and died – when it should have grown – pushed to the deepest corner of the Heart – where no light shines and only shadows of memories linger.

A new Spring follows the Winter's solstice for some -- for others the Change of Season cannot be weathered and can no longer "move on" with Life's Journey.

Life's Journey is a lesson of survival without Love, without sunshine, without warmth -- bereft of Hope, of Happiness, Youth, Dreams --

Forever Lost – Forever! 

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

Somewhere-In-Between

                            [Photo Source:  Google online images]

(25 OCT 2011 --   THERE are so are many In-Between stages in Life: Youth and Old Age, Childhood and Adulthood, Engagement and Marriage, Student and Graduate, Marriage and Divorce, Spring and Winter, and ...  WHERE you are NOW and WHERE  you will be TOMORROW.  dht-2011)

THERE was a day of birth –

so many years ago.

THERE is a day of death –

come nearer even now.

THERE is then - only this moment In-Between –

where Life lives somehow.

OUR Yesterdays are history –

written on the wind.

OUR Tomorrow a Dream –

misted in Hope.

OUR Today a gamble or a guarantee –

Somewhere – In - Between.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

Sweet Taste of Love

 

[Photo Source: Google online images]

(23 OCT 2011 – The Sweetness of Life is watered down by the Tears of a wounded Heart.  dht-2011)

My eyes are cloudy -- 

with the feelings of one -- 

whose Life has passed by -- 

without the Sweet Taste of Love -- 

to ease its Passage.

A long ago Dream, unfulfilled -- 

of children, spouse, family, and friendships --

of gatherings at holidays and family occasions --

of tables laden with food from favored recipes --  

of Love and Laughter, of belonging --   

linger in the shrouded corners of my Heart.

Tears fill my eyes

as I dare to Dream

the incredible – the impossible. 

Yet I'm afraid to release the Dream -- 

for fear its absence would be unbearable.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

THIS MOMENT

[Photo Source: Google online images]

(23 OCT 2011 – Time's prisoner -- held captive by the Past!  dht-2011)

  

Mistiness clouds my eyes as I look down the Road of Yesterday.

Turning full circle, the Paths to Tomorrow seem crowded with loneliness and despair – only more days like the last, without Hope with No Horizon.

This Moment is all there is and all there will ever be – its captive all I'll ever be.

Yesterday's moments are gone – but their Passage has left deep Heart Felt Wounds.

Tomorrow's hurdles seem more than one can bear.

This moment is all the burden I can manage – it is all I can do to survive even This Moment.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

REMINDERS OF THE DAYS

                            [Photo Source:  Google online image]

(22 OCT 2011 -- Memories of Yesterday are a sharp edged sword, that bring to mind moments of Joy, while inflicting the pain of regret.  dht- 2011)

Mementos once held with Joy –

Now open wounds Never healed.

Memories rekindle longings within –

of abandoned Hopes Never realized.

At every turn – the Heart –

finds Reminders of the Days.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

IMPOSSIBLE DREAMS

[Photo Source:  Google online images]

(If your Heart lives in your Dreams, the World must "knock at its door", for the KEY to your HEART is a MYSTERY shrouded in LOST LOVE.   dht-22 OCT 2011)

All the carefully erected walls

shelter a wounded Heart --  
and prove a shield against
the chill of shattered Hopes.

Dreams that beckon

for fulfillment
in a realm
of surreality.

Reality the danger –
threatens to breach the walls –
seeks to destroy the safe harbor of –
Impossible Dreams !

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

HOPE - 101

                                  [PHOTO Credit:  A wild rose -- my photo, my camera July 2011]

(This is just for all the 'HOPEFULS' who think tomorrow will be better -- bah hum bug ! dht-OCT 2011)

HOPE is a terrible, deceitful, two-faced entity.

It will keep you warm now and again –

but when it withers and fades –

the cold always comes back –

more bitter than before –

for then one feels the loss more keenly –

after knowing what could have been!

No matter how 'bad' my Life is –

I Never lose HOPE, that someday –
somehow -- a chance will open up –

and I'll be able to have a better Life.

How does that saying go –

Where there is HOPE -- There is Life.

So I must have Lost some of my Life –

when I Lost some of my HOPE!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

BLESSINGS of a New Day

[PHOTO SOURCE: My camera, My backyard at dawn]


(This is a tribute I wrote on 5 July 2011 to welcome the sunrise.  Each morning I count my BLESSINGS that I am witness to a New Day. And more, I am grateful for my home and the view of the sunrise over the Sierra Redwood Trees that I planted in my backyard. dht)

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My heart is weightless, like a cloud floating in a bright blue summer sky, drifting in a warm breeze. The sounds of the (bird's) Dawn Chorus fill my hearing. The scent of flowers saturates the air with their soft fragrance. I feel BLESSED to be alive to share this morning as the SUNRISE anoints the day with Promise and Peace and Hope.
[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

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The Dream -- The Walk

[Photo Credit /Source:  Courtesy of Wm Monckton, wildflower field in Lancaster, CA]

(24 APR 2011 -- How many dream and apparitions follow from childhood to adulthood?  Some precious few?  Or, are you still waiting in hopeful expectation?  dht-2011)

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How I wax nostalgic for my girlhood DREAMS!

My WALK a succession of DREAMS and HOPES, some realized, but few.

Most wither and fall wayside as the journey goes.

Yet, many DREAMS and HOPES hold out for a LIFETIME,

Waiting to be realized just as a seed planted

Awaits the season to realize Nature's promise.

DREAMS and HOPES like flowers choked by weeds,

That suddenly unfettered in a lovely, sun kissed vale,

Whence blooms and springs forth to vibrant life.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

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AS I WALK THROUGH MY DAYS

                                  [Photo Source: Google online images]

(24 APR 2011 – Every day I find something in the New Day that calls to mind the many Blessings that are bestowed upon my Life.  My maternal Cousin Emily Elizabeth Dickinson used her genius with words to wrap her feelings and thoughts in over a thousand writings, which she wrote for her own Joy.  Nevertheless, since her death, her Joy is now shared with those who find meaning and inspiration in her poetry and writings.  Below is one short poem that speaks to my Heart – and that inspired me to speak with my own Words.  Enjoy!  dht-2011)

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If I can stop one Heart from breaking

I shall not live in vain

If I can ease one Life the Aching

Or cool one Pain

Or help one fainting Robin

Unto his Nest again

I shall not live in Vain.

[-Poem #919 by Emily Elizabeth Dickinson]

[Poem #919 -- My sentiments and my Maternal Cousin Emily's words. dht-2011]

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Every day I am Blessed

Anointed by the dawn

Kissed by the sun

Lulled by the moon light

Til dawns anew a kaleidoscope of Hope.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

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