Stepping Through – The Risks / The Promises

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(Jan 2012 – A handful of vanished years gone too soon.  So many unfulfilled Hopes and Dreams.  So many disappointments and regrets living with People who do not return one's Love, Friendship, or Respect.  It is unbearable to care so much, and not to be cared for in return.  There is always the Promise of Tomorrow – Hope for a better Life.  There is only the effort to gather your courage and take the risk and Step Through the Mirror.  dht) 

Stepping through the Mirror of Today into Tomorrow is a risk, where something new can pose a sudden threat and where a terrifying state could be waiting for one on the other side of Today to be dealt with as best one can.  Once one takes that Step to "move on", life will never be the same – all that is Now – this Moment – will pass away.  "Moving on" is a risk accompanied commonly by new dangers to be faced, new challenges to be confronted, and new hurdles to overcome.

There are "People" who "move on" in their Lives, Loves, Interests, and leave behind a landscape of discarded spirits scorched and barren, where no seeds of happiness can find ground to root and grow.  Life is short in the Winter Years – there is no time for repeat performances by the "People" who affect one's Life in a negative manner – so remaining alone and divorced and estranged from those "People" is the lesser risk.

The Past – with all its joys and sorrows is safe ground and familiar from frequent traversing.  The Past holds few risks – only remembered regrets and disappointments and tears – some surprises though, too, as New Insight surface from deep reflections of events Displaced in Time.

Loneliness is Loneliness – no matter the number of facebook "friends", extended Family, or acquaintances.  The Winter Years present choices for sure, but Seniors have to accept whatever is offered – whatever is leftover – whenever and where ever – whether it is "Enough" or "Not Enough".  Always Waiting for Love, Hugs, Comfort, Companionship, and Caring.

The Promises of Tomorrow are always ahead – in the Future – a shining lure of happiness just out of reach – untouchable.  Stepping through the Mirror of Today into Tomorrow is a test of courage – a test a few are unable to pass and so Live in the Past or leave Life.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2012] 

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FROM HERE TO TOMORROW

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(22 NOV 2011 -  The Holidays and special remembered occasions bring their own weighted burden to one's Heart – a Birthday, a Wedding, an Anniversary, a Death, a Divorce, a Thanksgiving, a Christmas, a Valentine, a ...   At such Times, all of one's resources are needed, and lots of tissues, to pass through those potent memories so laden with Love and Pain. dht )

All too often, my thoughts turn backwards in Time – to where the memories assail.

Every time I come to a turn in the Pathways in my Life or a Time when the daily routine leaves my mind free to wander – my thoughts drift over the Past like a frequent visitor. 

I wonder anew where my Life's Journey would have taken me if I had made different choices.

Where is the Path to Peace and Happiness?  It surely cannot lie in Tomorrow, although it had its roots in Yesterday – that Path is overgrown now with the weeds of despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears.

Surviving a prolonged state of depression causes one to shift their thinking and straddle emotional distress.

The weight of my past, my memories – is an overwhelming burden that buries my feelings in despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears.

There is nothing like the holidays to bring back old memories of days gone by, lost loves, families estranged, loneliness, and the bittersweet memories of former Times – all past now leaving an emptiness in the Path.

The Last Chapter –
the last part of my Life's Journey.

HOW will it be written?  With despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears, with an unending –
never-ending sameness –

From Here-To-Tomorrow?

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

A QUIET JOY – A TIME FORGOTTEN

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(5 NOV 2011 – There is in Nature a healing balm – available to all freely and in abundance.  When the tide of melancholia threatens to drown me, I go outside and tend to my garden, walk under the stars, or watch the clouds roll by.  It is only outside that, a certain welcome calm flows over me in a veil that shields me from transient thoughts of gloom.  dht)

As I let my head lay against a woodsy Oak –

my eyes scanned the azure Sky –

and I watched the clouds move across

a bright blue Sky.

For a moment, I forgot,

at least for the time being,

what it meant to be unhappy,

or lonesome, or depressed.

A Quiet Joy –

filled my senses –

A Joy that outlasts –

Transient sorrows.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

HALLOWEEN -- hauntings and ghostlings

(This is a startling poem that evokes images of death, ghosts, murder, loneliness, hopelessness, and a mind full of specters that wander in the pathways and maze of a burdened brain.  A poem definitely for the Halloween season – and a reminder that death is the final chapter of birth.  SO I say – LIVE for the MOMENT, for it too will pass beyond the DOOR.  [dht-2011])

 [A haunting poem #670 by Emily Elizabeth Dickinson, my maternal Cousin]

One need not be a Chamber — to be Haunted —
One need not be a House —
The Brain has Corridors — surpassing
Material Place —

Far safer, of a Midnight Meeting
External Ghost
Than its interior Confronting —
That Cooler Host.

Far safer, through an Abbey gallop,
The Stones a’chase —
Than Unarmed, one’s a’self encounter —
In lonesome Place —

Ourself behind ourself, concealed —
Should startle most —
Assassin hid in our Apartment
Be Horror’s least.

The Body — borrows a Revolver —
He bolts the Door —
O’erlooking a superior spectre —

Or More —

***************

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THIS MOMENT

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(23 OCT 2011 – Time's prisoner -- held captive by the Past!  dht-2011)

  

Mistiness clouds my eyes as I look down the Road of Yesterday.

Turning full circle, the Paths to Tomorrow seem crowded with loneliness and despair – only more days like the last, without Hope with No Horizon.

This Moment is all there is and all there will ever be – its captive all I'll ever be.

Yesterday's moments are gone – but their Passage has left deep Heart Felt Wounds.

Tomorrow's hurdles seem more than one can bear.

This moment is all the burden I can manage – it is all I can do to survive even This Moment.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]