Lost Loves - Lost Faces

                                   [Photo Source:  Google online images]
 

(12 NOV 2011 – Some images -- some words just speak to the Heart -- from the Heart.  Below are the words of my maternal Cousin Emily that have a special meaning for me this month, for I was wed in November and 'rode away' in November – and continue to miss the Faces of my Lost Loves in an absence of over 30 years.  dht)

The Face we choose to miss—

Be it but for a Day

As absent as a Hundred Years,

When it has rode away.

[Poem #1141 by Emily Elizabeth Dickinson]

 ---------------

Sweet Taste of Love

 

[Photo Source: Google online images]

(23 OCT 2011 – The Sweetness of Life is watered down by the Tears of a wounded Heart.  dht-2011)

My eyes are cloudy -- 

with the feelings of one -- 

whose Life has passed by -- 

without the Sweet Taste of Love -- 

to ease its Passage.

A long ago Dream, unfulfilled -- 

of children, spouse, family, and friendships --

of gatherings at holidays and family occasions --

of tables laden with food from favored recipes --  

of Love and Laughter, of belonging --   

linger in the shrouded corners of my Heart.

Tears fill my eyes

as I dare to Dream

the incredible – the impossible. 

Yet I'm afraid to release the Dream -- 

for fear its absence would be unbearable.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

Ashes on the Wind

                              [Photo Source:  Google online images]

(23 OCT 2011 --  Words are a poor consolation prize for someone playing at the game of Life with tokens of bygone memories. [dht-2011])

Where are the words to describe –

the Heart's yearning for –

Hearth & Home, Family & Children –

and a Loving & Faithful spouse.

LOVE and Laughter -- fade

in the lonely years of Winter.

Sobs of regret tangle in my throat –

as my eyes fill with Tears –

that try to wash away –

the Heartache of my Life.

How do you follow your Dream –

when your Heart has turned –

to Ashes in the Wind

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

BITTERSWEET ABSENCE

   [Photo Source: Google online image]

Their absence in my Life is a Bittersweet ache still – that throbs in the back of my Heart, whenever I think of them which is often – but actually all the time!

After all, when I left in 1978 at age 32, they had been my Family – my Loves – for more than half my Life!  He was age 36 and our child age 14  - we were so young to be living in a Family without Love!

Now, at age 65, I still feel the pain of separation – the void where once Family existed and Never would be again in my Life!

However, there were no other options back then, and the pain of "Family" was killing my spirit and body with the sickness of neglect, betrayal, lies, and Lost Love!

The Loss – ever fresh – in my Heart and mind – has Never healed!

Some deep wounds Never do – such as in my case!

Sad and puzzling – really – for there was NO Loss for them – they went on with their Lives – without me – as if I NEVER was there at all, or ever had been!

No wonder then, why I was dying a slow death, day by day, when I resided under the same roof with Them!

The Pain was so BAD – I was seeing two doctors and taking medicine to dull the emotional pain and trauma!

They were killing me slowly!

Moreover, They still are – in their Bittersweet Absence from my Life!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]