So many things one
encounters in LIFE'S JOURNEY are chancy.
I've heard it said that the only things 'for sure' are death and
taxes. Well, I've another that could be
added to that list of 'for sures' – LOSS.
Below is a short prose
that I found on the internet by an unknown author. It says in so many words how one can misplace
the value of something, albeit -- grandparents, parents, spouse, children,
friends, pets, health, wealth, youth, beauty, eye sight, hearing, limbs , mobility,
independence, freedom, faith, trust, love -- the list is endless.
What would YOU put on YOUR
LIST?
Submitted by: Dorothy Hazel Tarr
Below are just
some closing thoughts – just some one-liners really – make of them what you
will!
The JOURNEY ahead
is shorter with each passing MOMENT!
ONE day – all too
soon, it will only be a treasured memory!
Love conquers all and overcomes all obstacles. Or, so some would have you believe.
Gains and loss are part of MOTHER NATURE's grand
design.
When I plant seeds in my garden, I gain a bountiful harvest. The seed is lost, when the plant
grows. The bounty is lost, when
the harvest is gathered.
My childhood dreams were lost, when I realized
adolescence.
My dreams of a family are lost, when I got divorced.
My dreams of being a grandparent were lost, when my
daughter "sided" with my ex-spouse.
I hope I live long enough to LOVE again.
You are still in my life -- NO, NOT REALLY!
You are out of my life -- NO, NOT YET!
The art of losing is not hard to master -- I
practice my "art" each day.
The stages of loss and recovery overlap, but each stage
is necessary and a natural part of the healing process. BUT, I have been in the "healing
process" for years!!
I sit in a corner of my mind and cry until I am numb
thinking how much I have missed.
I will know when I am ready to move on with my life -- when
I accept that life without you is possible.
The only difference in my recovery from one loss or
another loss, is the time it takes for me to heal and the depth of pain
I feel from the loss.
My healing has a beginning, middle, and maybe an end. However, the middle is overwhelming me these
past many years!
Daily I ask myself, "Am I strong enough to bear the
loss of your love?" The answer
is, "Well, you made 'til morning, again!"
There was nothing to do when I lost your love, just
accept it and hurt—for years! Will the
hurt never end?!
Some say misery loves company, and mutual suffering eases
the pain. However, friends and family do
not have the patience to extend support and encouragement when my JOURNEY of
healing has taken over 40 years!
Will I ever love again?
Will love ever find me again?
Will I ever feel "good" again?
The good part of my pain is that it is proof that I am
still alive and am surviving.
My loss of love frightens me and feels like a bottomless
pit of hopelessness.
I try to run away from the feelings of hurt, desolation, and
isolation, but I cannot bury them deep enough, for they emerge with the FIRST
Country-and-Western song I hear.
I punish myself with the "if only's".
I cannot forget that I LOVE YOU!
I cannot forget that YOU NO LONGER LOVE ME (if you ever
did).
The greater the loss, the more time it takes to
heal. My loss was over 40 years
ago, and I am still testing the healing timeline "rule".
My healing these past 40 years since the loss of
your love, has been full of ups and downs, leaps forward in the healing, and
huge depressing backslides into despair.
The memories of loving you are painful and destructive to
my peace of mind.
Before I can progress through this "healing", I
have to first get "out of love" with you, which will NOT happen in my
lifetime!
I place my hands on my heart and abdomen when they are in
turmoil and just try to take deep breaths in slowly and exhale fully.
I take lots of naps and rest a lot, for I cannot sleep
because of my dreams of you.
My research into my Family Origins and History help me
maintain a sense of structure and order, and give me a feeling of being
"connected" again.
I work until late at night on my genealogy on ANCESTRY,
until I am exhausted and tired enough to fall asleep and hope I find my dreams
are NOT NIGHTMARES!
My plan NOW is to "get over you"; tomorrow I will
survive and "move on".
Nothing was as important to me as you were, although at the
time I remember thinking that I had so many other important things to
accomplish and get done.
GOD let me lean on you until I can stand alone, PLEASE!
I place my hands over my heart when it "hurts",
and say to myself, "I am here for you.
I love you."
All the goodness of my life is gone, first you and our
daughter, then joy, freedom, and security -- I live in the shadows still.
Holidays are the worst sort of torture without you and our
daughter and grandchildren.
These feelings of separateness and isolation will pass, and
I WILL get better -- Won't I?
My garden is full of color and blooms, but it is also full
of weeds and thorns, and insects.
Before I can experience the happiness of healing, I have to
traverse the pathways of pain of separation, rejection, loss of love, and
divorce.
My future offers the temptations of rediscovering life,
friends, self, and maybe a new LOVE.
I am tempted and want to "skip" the mourning and grieving
process, but I know that the only way to recovery is to go "through"
each stage of the healing process. However,
40 years is a long time! If I do not go
"through" the process completely, I know the pain and grief can
return later. Still, 40 years is a long
time!
Grief has been "quiet" for a time and I thought
it was "done"; NOW, it has returned years later to destroy and
threaten my life.
As I look NOW at my hurts and loss, I wonder whether
my current situation has reactivated any prior and unhealed losses, and whether
old wounds have been reopened that never fully healed.
