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[Photo Source: Google online images]

LOST LOVE – ESTRANGEMENT – DIVORCE

 (19 Jan 2012 – Today is the anniversary of the end of a marriage that began in 30 Nov 1963 and ended 19 Jan 1979.  The LOVE that was promised did not thrive and bloom – it was not tended with care and was left to wither into the dust of estrangement and divorce.  My daughter asked me once why I cried over the loss of my LOVE and why I thought all the time about my Lost LOVE  -- especially, she said, because he did NOT think about me but had moved on with his life and remarried.  My unspoken answer is the same today as it was then, I LOVE and CARE for him with all my heart and feel so sad that it was not returned in kind.  I have NOT been able to 'move on' for I hold him close in my Heart and Mind.  dht)

Today I am again alone to celebrate still another Anniversary without my spouse.  I so dread this day...my bad day started January 1 when I knew today was going to be here whether I wanted it to or not.  I know he is with me in my Heart, but it is just not the same.  I celebrate alone his birthday as I do each year, on January 13.  And my own birthday on 22 Jan, I will celebrate alone too.  It never gets easier – each 30 Nov, I celebrate our wedding day.  Then too, there are the special occasions each year that I have missed spending with him and our daughter.  Family estrangements are difficult to live through and survive.  Each day carries its own burdens and tears.  I just do not know if it is ever going to get any easier...any of it...the pain with in my heart is unbearable.  I miss him more now than I ever have.  I long for him.  I long to hold him, kiss him, tell him how much he means to me -- tell him how much I LOVE him.  I miss everything about him and the things we did, shared, and could have shared through the years.  I LOVE you dear with all my Heart, Mind, and Spirit – if only you had LOVED me in return.

The anguish in my Heart and agony of my grief echoes in the empty halls of my Spirit.  The silent storm of my tears through the years a proof of a LOVE lost – the grave and barren existence without you and the Family that I so hoped for.  In many ways I feel blessed that I have known you and our daughter and you were a part of my Life – it is so hard to say goodbye to what was Lost.  I am broken in so many ways I could not have imagined – my Heartaches.  My Life ended when I LOST my LOVE and I have never been sure who I am since.  There is not a moment, hour, day, week, month, year, decade that goes by that I do not grieve the Loss of my LOVE. In my Heart, those I LOVE 'walk beside me' everyday – unseen by the eye, unheard by the ear – yet always near, LOVEd, and missed.

In the book of my life the pages are blank after my LOVE was LOST – all the children that were never born, the birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, grand children – never lived, never written, never to be. 

Life went on – but without me!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

 

[Photo Source: Google online images]

THE PATH – THE JOURNEY

[Photo Source: Sunrise -- my camera, my neighborhood 2011]

(19 DEC 2011 – As my Journey's End hovers ever closer on the horizon, I look at each NEW DAY as a gift that is mine to hold until Day's END. dht) 

Life happens as the Sun makes its Journey across our Path.

The Sunrise Promises HOPE and a New Beginning.

The Sunset Promises Peace and a Quiet Slumber.

Somewhere in between, the Dreams of youth blend with the experience of our Reality.

Then in a wink of Time, our Life is past, the Journey done, forever we rest in peace.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

[Photo Source: Sunset -- my camera, my neighborhood 2011]

ODE TO A SUNRISE

           [Photos Source and Credit: Dave Wagenblatt   dave@getgrandresults.com ]
{These beautiful photos of Nature's Sunrise were taken in Grand Lake, Oklahoma, by Dave Wagenblatt, and are posted here for your viewing  enjoyment.  Dave is a Family member.  Thank You Dave for sharing your LOVE of SUNRISEs!  dht}

(8 DEC 2011 -   With the Birth of a New Day, one has but to look to the Sun Rise over the eastern Horizon to feel its Blessings and to somehow have the myriad tangle of emotions soothed.  dht) 

The other worldliness of daytime's shrubbery engenders an eerie ire for those who would brave a stroll -- as Nature assumes its nightly cloak.

There is a cautious stillness that accompanies one's shallow breath while perambulating around the neighborhood.

The only audible sounds – those of ducks and birds at their evening ablutions.

My Spirit proffers an inaudible reply to Nature's call for "Taps," as the sinking sun slips into slumber.

The soft breeze, rustling in the leaves of the Oak Trees, gives a final fare-thee-well.

The "storms" of the day find their rest, and a quiet mood settles down upon the Land.

The night holds the land in quiet slumber.

The night is black – silver threads of moonlight tease the shadows to a melodious serenade.

All too soon, the new dawn will awaken – as the stars that held vigil through the night, begin to fade, yielding their tour to the sunrise's hint of color across a morning's eastern horizon.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

BEGINNINGS and ENDINGS

[Photo Credit: Dave Wagenblatt   dave@getgrandresults.com ]

(1 DEC 2011 – This is just a short offering that sprang to my mind today.  And, as Fate Wills, this photo was shared with me by a Family Connection.  I hope the words speak for themselves – I know this TERRIFIC photo of a brilliant sunrise speaks to me.  dht)

The Eleventh month leads to – December.

The Eleventh month leads to – The Ending of the Year.

The Eleventh hour leads to – Midnight.

The Eleventh hour leads to – The Ending of the Day.

The Eleventh hour leads to – The Beginning of a Sunrise.

The Eleventh grade leads to – High School Graduation.

The Eleventh month leads to – The First Birthday.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

TWO SIDES OF A COIN

(Photo Source: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/File:Universeglass.JPG

(The inside of a weird glass cup, making it appear to be a constellation of stars. {GFDL})

(3 Mar 2011 -- This BLOG posting was a difficult one for me to 'post' and I almost did NOT post it, and then when I did post it I ALMOST deleted it!!!  NOW, I feel REALLY GLAD that I overcame my "..." , for the comments proffered were very meaningful to me personally!  THANK YOU !!! dht) 

                   [Photo Source: Google online images]

Knowing something and feeling something deeply are two sides of a coin.

Some things that happen are so devastating that they eclipse everything else until healed.

Some things are so wonderful that it's hard to relinquish them.

Two different feelings.

Two different perspectives.

Both powerful responses in a different landscape.

Polar opposites—

sunset – sunrise

night – day

rain – shine

cold – heat

wet – dry

dying – living

death – birth

moonlight – sunlight

endings – beginnings

goings – comings

goodbye – hello

low – high

short – tall

ugly – beauty

old – youth

dull – sharp

sour – sweet

hate – love

down – up

far – near

left – right

east – west

north – south

false – true

fake – real

push – pull

passive – aggressive

JUST A TOSS OF A COIN!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr] 

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In this offering: What do you notice about the words? Their meaning? Sentence structure? Pairing of Sentences? First word, middle, or last words of Sentences? What words could be substituted? What connection words added for clarity? What meaning of your own would you assign to these words, phrases, sentences?

--------------- OR, Why didn't you just say so! ---------------

What will today bring?

Are events and circumstance just a toss of the coin in one's life?

If there a choice, on which side of the coin will you live?

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COMMENTS:

'Polar opposites', the balances of life.
"Some things are so wonderful that it's hard to relinquish them" = parenthood.  Even though we remain parents after our child has left (as we want them to do), the longing for the child remains. Today's poem/reflection (to me) is all about family and especially about children -- and also about 'changes' that occur regardless of whether or not we want them.  The question is always:  Will we be able to adapt [to our life's changes]?  Or will the changes encompass us, drag us down and spit us out [a more weary, fragile, and wary person]?  Good points to ponder.

This reminded me of a quote:  

You can know the name of a bird in all the languages of the world, but when you're finished, you'll know absolutely nothing whatever about the bird... So let's look at the bird and see what it's doing -- that's what counts. I learned very early the difference between knowing the name of something and knowing something. [~Richard Feynman 1918-1988 an American physicist]

{~CAMV 4 Mar 2011}

[Photo Source:  Google online images]
(Just a note about this image.  THERE are TWO perspectives to this PIX (a- a women in her Winter years, and b - a women in her Spring years. The chin of the young is the nose of the old. The necklace of the young is the lip of the old. Which perspective did you see first in this PIX?  Do you see the negative or positive perspective first in Life?  LIFE is how you 'see' it.)

Another Day, Another Nature

                   [Photo Source: National Geographic online images]

[This PHOTO illustrates to ME by its imagery, that ALTHOUGH I may look different on the outside while among you, IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY, you will see how much we are the same—IF YOU TAKE THE 'TIME' TO LOOK CLOSELY!  dht]

(26 Feb 2011 – TODAY was a life-changing day for me.  So I am posting these sayings that seem to 'fit' my new perspective with a photo that pairs with the 'new'!  MY FAV saying and the one that most 'fits' me today is the last quote by Donald Miller!  dht)

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(My grandmother used to say “If you can't change something, change the way you think about it."  [-Maya Angelou] )

 GRAMs always 'know' best!  Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  [-Maria Robinson]

 “Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”  [-unknown]

“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”  [-Flora Whittemore]

 “Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”  [-Keri Russell]

 “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”  [-Pericles]

 “There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.”

[-Winston Churchill] {Sir Winston Leonard Spencer -Churchill, KG, OM, CH, TD, PC, DL, FRS (30 Nov 1874 – 24 Jan 1965) was a British politician and statesman} (my Cousin, THAT's right!)

 “Life can either be accepted or changed.  If it is not accepted, it must be changed.  If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.”  [-unknown]

 “You've changed so much.  I guess that's what happens.  I wish you knew how much you changed me.  I wonder if I changed you, if your life is different because of me.  Because mine's different."  [-unknown]

 “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  [-Reinhold Niebuhr]

“Change is the essence of life.  Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”  [-unknown]

 “Everything in life is connected somehow.  You may have to dig deep to find it but it's there.  Everything is the same even though it's different.  Somehow, everything connects back with your life.  The faces in certain places may be different, but the situation is the same.  Irony is a hidden factor that creeps around us in life, letting its presence felt only after it has left.  Picture back to a year ago and the situations you were in.  Look at how things are different yet somehow everything is still in some way cognate [alike].  Everything connects together to form the balance of life, to maintain structure.  Change is and always will be inevitable, but everything is relative, and all the moments and times in your life will come back around again, you just might find yourself on the other side of the coin.  Things are always changing, as fast as everything stays the same.”  [-unknown]

“Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret, and depression.  Do not repeat them in the future.”  [-Swami Sivananda]

 “Life is change.  Growth is optional.  Choose wisely.”  [-unknown]

 “We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love.  It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”  [-William Somerset Maugham]

 “It is always the simple things that change our lives.  And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen.  Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so.  You feel like running, but life is on a stroll.  This is how God does things.”  [-Donald Miller]

  

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