LOVE'S OWN DREAM

            [Photo Source:  GOOGLE online images]

(5 Feb 2012  --  There is a song in my head and a melody in my heart – the verse forgotten by my Lover and unsung.  Wherever I wander, whenever I lay in slumber, the memories follow as familiar companions.  As the old patterns in my life are retraced, I relive anew those precious times with my LOVE.  They are all that I hold dear and are more precious and treasured than ever.  The past is gone, and while the loss has been devastating, there is nothing that can be done to really regain what is lost.  While I do not want to let go of my treasured memories, choosing to live in my past will never completely assuage my loss, nor completely erase the pain I feel now and the void in my life.  Day – by – day, I walk through my life retracing the worn, rocky, and difficult pathways of my memories, reliving times long gone, but made afresh from daily visits.  Ever faithful to my memories, I tend them with special care deserved of heartfelt treasures dreams in hues of LOVE.  dht)

The sweet words of LOVE –

but a melody in my memory.

LOVE stayed but for a while –

then took flight on the wings of Time.

The bonds that would stay LOVE –  

faltered and frayed.

LOVE's voice is silent –

the story untold.

Whispered words of LOVE only a memory –

on a sea of tears.

The current of my tears –

drown my heart in the swollen waters of grief.

My salty lips have lost their smile --

my achy heart has lost its joy.

Dreams of LOVE stalk my nights –

then follow a carved path through my days.

A bond set by a prayer –

later severed by a gavel.

There is no LOVE in your eyes –

no comfort in your arms.

Through the passage of the years –

LOVE's dream follows in lonely corridors.

The tears taste bittersweet –

in my wanderer's loveless sojourn.

As I lay, I wonder --

while I watch the magic of LOVE's dream play out – again.

Time's forgetfulness awaits the dreamer –

where my lover's face shines with tenderness and comfort.

My walk is solo at the end –

without LOVE's candle, warmth, or flame.

The day grows cold and I grow old –

with only dream shadows to follow.

LOVE's remembered moments –

will not be swept away by Nature's taps.

A single note of LOVE's melody –

plays on in my Heart's embrace.

It is so much easier to LOVE the melody –

than to LOVE the withered leafless vine.

Your melody played on after I was gone –

but to another's tune.

To my heart you are no stranger –

to my LOVE you are no captive.

LOVE words spoken at an alter –

now lost on a sea of tears.

Names written on a vowel –

erased by legalese.

The melody from our LOVE song –

a forgotten verse unsung.

My final rest will not be alongside you –

your name not chiseled on my headstone.

LOVE's tendrils shroud my heart –

LOVE's ashes my monument.

LOVE's absence leaves my life raw and unfinished –

albeit the end is nearer.

All my windows and doors are open –

all my LOVE a memory.

JUST LOVE'S OWN DREAM.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

BLANK PAGES

[Photo Source: Google online images]

LOST LOVE – ESTRANGEMENT – DIVORCE

 (19 Jan 2012 – Today is the anniversary of the end of a marriage that began in 30 Nov 1963 and ended 19 Jan 1979.  The LOVE that was promised did not thrive and bloom – it was not tended with care and was left to wither into the dust of estrangement and divorce.  My daughter asked me once why I cried over the loss of my LOVE and why I thought all the time about my Lost LOVE  -- especially, she said, because he did NOT think about me but had moved on with his life and remarried.  My unspoken answer is the same today as it was then, I LOVE and CARE for him with all my heart and feel so sad that it was not returned in kind.  I have NOT been able to 'move on' for I hold him close in my Heart and Mind.  dht)

Today I am again alone to celebrate still another Anniversary without my spouse.  I so dread this day...my bad day started January 1 when I knew today was going to be here whether I wanted it to or not.  I know he is with me in my Heart, but it is just not the same.  I celebrate alone his birthday as I do each year, on January 13.  And my own birthday on 22 Jan, I will celebrate alone too.  It never gets easier – each 30 Nov, I celebrate our wedding day.  Then too, there are the special occasions each year that I have missed spending with him and our daughter.  Family estrangements are difficult to live through and survive.  Each day carries its own burdens and tears.  I just do not know if it is ever going to get any easier...any of it...the pain with in my heart is unbearable.  I miss him more now than I ever have.  I long for him.  I long to hold him, kiss him, tell him how much he means to me -- tell him how much I LOVE him.  I miss everything about him and the things we did, shared, and could have shared through the years.  I LOVE you dear with all my Heart, Mind, and Spirit – if only you had LOVED me in return.

The anguish in my Heart and agony of my grief echoes in the empty halls of my Spirit.  The silent storm of my tears through the years a proof of a LOVE lost – the grave and barren existence without you and the Family that I so hoped for.  In many ways I feel blessed that I have known you and our daughter and you were a part of my Life – it is so hard to say goodbye to what was Lost.  I am broken in so many ways I could not have imagined – my Heartaches.  My Life ended when I LOST my LOVE and I have never been sure who I am since.  There is not a moment, hour, day, week, month, year, decade that goes by that I do not grieve the Loss of my LOVE. In my Heart, those I LOVE 'walk beside me' everyday – unseen by the eye, unheard by the ear – yet always near, LOVEd, and missed.

In the book of my life the pages are blank after my LOVE was LOST – all the children that were never born, the birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, grand children – never lived, never written, never to be. 

Life went on – but without me!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

 

[Photo Source: Google online images]

BEGINNINGS and ENDINGS

[Photo Credit: Dave Wagenblatt   dave@getgrandresults.com ]

(1 DEC 2011 – This is just a short offering that sprang to my mind today.  And, as Fate Wills, this photo was shared with me by a Family Connection.  I hope the words speak for themselves – I know this TERRIFIC photo of a brilliant sunrise speaks to me.  dht)

The Eleventh month leads to – December.

The Eleventh month leads to – The Ending of the Year.

The Eleventh hour leads to – Midnight.

The Eleventh hour leads to – The Ending of the Day.

The Eleventh hour leads to – The Beginning of a Sunrise.

The Eleventh grade leads to – High School Graduation.

The Eleventh month leads to – The First Birthday.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

TWO SIDES OF A COIN

(Photo Source: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/File:Universeglass.JPG

(The inside of a weird glass cup, making it appear to be a constellation of stars. {GFDL})

(3 Mar 2011 -- This BLOG posting was a difficult one for me to 'post' and I almost did NOT post it, and then when I did post it I ALMOST deleted it!!!  NOW, I feel REALLY GLAD that I overcame my "..." , for the comments proffered were very meaningful to me personally!  THANK YOU !!! dht) 

                   [Photo Source: Google online images]

Knowing something and feeling something deeply are two sides of a coin.

Some things that happen are so devastating that they eclipse everything else until healed.

Some things are so wonderful that it's hard to relinquish them.

Two different feelings.

Two different perspectives.

Both powerful responses in a different landscape.

Polar opposites—

sunset – sunrise

night – day

rain – shine

cold – heat

wet – dry

dying – living

death – birth

moonlight – sunlight

endings – beginnings

goings – comings

goodbye – hello

low – high

short – tall

ugly – beauty

old – youth

dull – sharp

sour – sweet

hate – love

down – up

far – near

left – right

east – west

north – south

false – true

fake – real

push – pull

passive – aggressive

JUST A TOSS OF A COIN!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr] 

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In this offering: What do you notice about the words? Their meaning? Sentence structure? Pairing of Sentences? First word, middle, or last words of Sentences? What words could be substituted? What connection words added for clarity? What meaning of your own would you assign to these words, phrases, sentences?

--------------- OR, Why didn't you just say so! ---------------

What will today bring?

Are events and circumstance just a toss of the coin in one's life?

If there a choice, on which side of the coin will you live?

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COMMENTS:

'Polar opposites', the balances of life.
"Some things are so wonderful that it's hard to relinquish them" = parenthood.  Even though we remain parents after our child has left (as we want them to do), the longing for the child remains. Today's poem/reflection (to me) is all about family and especially about children -- and also about 'changes' that occur regardless of whether or not we want them.  The question is always:  Will we be able to adapt [to our life's changes]?  Or will the changes encompass us, drag us down and spit us out [a more weary, fragile, and wary person]?  Good points to ponder.

This reminded me of a quote:  

You can know the name of a bird in all the languages of the world, but when you're finished, you'll know absolutely nothing whatever about the bird... So let's look at the bird and see what it's doing -- that's what counts. I learned very early the difference between knowing the name of something and knowing something. [~Richard Feynman 1918-1988 an American physicist]

{~CAMV 4 Mar 2011}

[Photo Source:  Google online images]
(Just a note about this image.  THERE are TWO perspectives to this PIX (a- a women in her Winter years, and b - a women in her Spring years. The chin of the young is the nose of the old. The necklace of the young is the lip of the old. Which perspective did you see first in this PIX?  Do you see the negative or positive perspective first in Life?  LIFE is how you 'see' it.)

Another Day, Another Nature

                   [Photo Source: National Geographic online images]

[This PHOTO illustrates to ME by its imagery, that ALTHOUGH I may look different on the outside while among you, IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY, you will see how much we are the same—IF YOU TAKE THE 'TIME' TO LOOK CLOSELY!  dht]

(26 Feb 2011 – TODAY was a life-changing day for me.  So I am posting these sayings that seem to 'fit' my new perspective with a photo that pairs with the 'new'!  MY FAV saying and the one that most 'fits' me today is the last quote by Donald Miller!  dht)

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(My grandmother used to say “If you can't change something, change the way you think about it."  [-Maya Angelou] )

 GRAMs always 'know' best!  Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  [-Maria Robinson]

 “Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”  [-unknown]

“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”  [-Flora Whittemore]

 “Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”  [-Keri Russell]

 “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”  [-Pericles]

 “There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.”

[-Winston Churchill] {Sir Winston Leonard Spencer -Churchill, KG, OM, CH, TD, PC, DL, FRS (30 Nov 1874 – 24 Jan 1965) was a British politician and statesman} (my Cousin, THAT's right!)

 “Life can either be accepted or changed.  If it is not accepted, it must be changed.  If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.”  [-unknown]

 “You've changed so much.  I guess that's what happens.  I wish you knew how much you changed me.  I wonder if I changed you, if your life is different because of me.  Because mine's different."  [-unknown]

 “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  [-Reinhold Niebuhr]

“Change is the essence of life.  Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”  [-unknown]

 “Everything in life is connected somehow.  You may have to dig deep to find it but it's there.  Everything is the same even though it's different.  Somehow, everything connects back with your life.  The faces in certain places may be different, but the situation is the same.  Irony is a hidden factor that creeps around us in life, letting its presence felt only after it has left.  Picture back to a year ago and the situations you were in.  Look at how things are different yet somehow everything is still in some way cognate [alike].  Everything connects together to form the balance of life, to maintain structure.  Change is and always will be inevitable, but everything is relative, and all the moments and times in your life will come back around again, you just might find yourself on the other side of the coin.  Things are always changing, as fast as everything stays the same.”  [-unknown]

“Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret, and depression.  Do not repeat them in the future.”  [-Swami Sivananda]

 “Life is change.  Growth is optional.  Choose wisely.”  [-unknown]

 “We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love.  It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”  [-William Somerset Maugham]

 “It is always the simple things that change our lives.  And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen.  Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so.  You feel like running, but life is on a stroll.  This is how God does things.”  [-Donald Miller]

  

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DAY's VENUE

 [PHOTO SOURCE: National Geographic online images]

 

(20 Feb 2011, Sunday --  Just a few words to go with this PIX.  It is astonishing how a few short phrases pierce the gray of your world with a single beam of light. dht)

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WHERE goes the day

Down yester night's passage.

How blind today's privilege

Lost fast in yesterday's grasp.

Tomorrow's dream a pledge

Whence nature's precedence assures.

Breast expanse upon deep breath

While shallow essence sums life's interval.

What key holds true for grantor's trust

Whilst surety and worth stand anon.

Time bespoke metered sameness

Whose vowel foretold spoiled fortune.

Ribbons linger as fragments

Where once whole, a heart full.

Shattered spectrum of hopes

Cast away on ocean's tears.

Love's gamble played and lost

Age of regret the debt.

Once concealed by life's chains

Now released by nature's bail.

What hostage behind the threshold

Where compromise affords release.

What sound the closing door

What venue the open window.

What knock insures a beggars entrance

What token barters the price.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

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In this offering:

What do you notice about the words?  Their meaning?  Punctuation?  Sentence structure?  Pairing of Sentences?  First word, middle, or last words of Sentences?  What words could be substituted?  What connection words added for clarity?  What meaning of your own would you assign to these words, phrases, sentences?

--------------- OR, Why didn't you just say so! ---------------

 

Today is just a memory that has passed into yesterday.

Thoughts of yesterday blind you to the beauty of today.

Tomorrow is a new beginning as sure as the sun will rise.

Now the lungs expands, as if you had been living with too little air for a long time, where before your breaths were shallow and the pain too great for deep breathing.

What is the secret to giving your trust to another, while other(s) do nothing to earn and secure your trust?

The rest of your life will be nothing but more of the same ... misfortune.

The ones you LOVED the most in this world, have all cut away a piece of your heart, until all is left are tattered ribbons of melancholy and despair.

A bright future so full of a kaleidoscope of hopes lays shattered, lost and washed away with oceans of tears.

It may be better for some to LOVE and LOSE, than never to LOVE at all; but what price must be paid and for what duration.

The years of aching emptiness and pain are camouflaged in life's daily routine, but soon there will be an end to the pain as nature ends its hold to death's surrender.

Where are the words of forgiveness and compromise that release pain's grip on a broken heart?

The silence of the closing door confuses the opening of a window; as the lack of plain speaking confuses the path to understanding.

What will it cost the one who knocks; and what more must the one who knocks surrender?

 [Dorothy Hazel Tarr] 

***************

 

WINDOW DREAMs

How sharp the contrast between

the heart's abode now worn with time's despair

and the gaping mawe of fate with

its distant vistas casting new shades of meaning

on another world (another life, another time, another place)

filled with vibrant colors, sweet breaths, soft gentle breezes,

and LOVE's warm embrace.

 [Dorothy Hazel Tarr]