Whispered Secrets in a Fog

                             [Photo Credit: Google online images]
  

(30 NOV 2011 – Some words cast new shading on everything one thinks about themselves – now, yesterday, and tomorrow.  How sharp the contrast between my Heart's Abode – now worn and faded with Time's despair – and the images that flash across a reluctant mind, as dazzling and fresh as ever.  Some memories burn too hot to ever fade in the early morning fog.  dht)

 

The softest of breezes ruffles the morning's gray Fog –

Where whispered Secrets are spoken in hushed tones –

Where wisps of a new day play in the early mist.

Astonishing how a few short fierce words can pierce the gray of the world with a single beam of insight.

Then the Sun marches forth to reveal the Mysteries of a brilliant sky –

Then the Whippets of gray disperse in the sunny warmth of a new day.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

Winter's Secret Garden

[Photo Source: National Geographic online images]

(30 NOV 2011 – Another day, another year in the Calendar of Life.  Loss draws out every shade – every color – of emotion, as the hollow echoes of a broken Heart lay buried in the harsh reality of an inherently cold and Loveless existence.  A poignantly written story of a Lifetime of woe in the aging pages of the Book of Life.  What is the Secret to the workings of the Human Heart – intense emotions within a Timeless Story.  Another year – another Anniversary – only the hands of time provide the kerchief that wipes away my tears.  30NOV1963-30NOV2011--dht)

The Landscape is bare and the ground layered with leaves for the coming Winter's Slumber.

Spring's Secrets lay hidden beneath the blanket of fallen leaves – red, golden, and brown.

It is my pleasure – my joy – to share the wonders of the day with (you) my memories.

Winter's Garden comes alive in my Heart with the blossoming of a Lifetime of memories.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

Winter's Calling – Lost Love

                    [Photo Source: Google online images]

(29 NOV 2011 – Love's bloom died on the branch – never to easily recover from Loss, Pain, and Betrayal.  When does the Pain fade – dull its sharp focus.  The price is too high.  I simply cannot see beyond the gaping maw of my fate before me, though another may.  Some say despair is paramount when one is no longer able to sustain, even for the briefest moment, the notion that all will be well in the end.  Perhaps if they understood how many pieces my heart had broken into, they would then suffer me.  dht)

Slowly – piece-by-piece – is the process of withdrawal unto self, the Spirit withering just as leaves on the tree wither in Winter's calling.

The enfolding warmth of a bright sunny day – loving spouse and Family – fall by the wayside of a troubled Path.

Reality's illusions of Familial Love -- drop away as falling leaves absent the limbs of trees.

Whispers of Lost Love rustle in the breeze, as favorite memories of days gone by -- drop away as dead leaves from barren branches.

As Times passes through Nature's Seasons, the past becomes muted as if the Years belonged to someone else – apart – just as the leaves on the ground seem to have forgotten from whence they sprang.

All Hope of a change of Season – of Heart – with renewed sprouts forthcoming of a Litany of Longing and Affection – died as the fallen leaves from barren branches.

As the last rays of Winter's light withdraws from a frozen Landscape – a cold Heart – the Season falls into Morpheus's embrace with silent tears.

Love's Mystery withered and died – when it should have grown – pushed to the deepest corner of the Heart – where no light shines and only shadows of memories linger.

A new Spring follows the Winter's solstice for some -- for others the Change of Season cannot be weathered and can no longer "move on" with Life's Journey.

Life's Journey is a lesson of survival without Love, without sunshine, without warmth -- bereft of Hope, of Happiness, Youth, Dreams --

Forever Lost – Forever! 

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

RIP – Be Still

[Photo Source: Google online images]

(28 NOV 2011 – My weary Heart beats discordant with Time – for my Heart lies in the Past with my Memories.  Life goes on all around me as Nature takes its turn in Time with the changing of Life's seasons.  My steps are disharmonious with Nature's Time - My Heart is tired of the Loss.)  [dht-2011] 

BE STILL my weary Heart.

Listen to Nature's Heartbeat. –

In accord with the changes of Nature's Seasons.

Rest here in Nature's bosom –

In accord with the changes of My Seasons.

As one with Nature's Hourglass –

In accord with the changes of Life's Seasons.

Rest In Peace my weary Heart –

BE STILL.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

                   [Photo Source: Google online images]

FROM HERE TO TOMORROW

[Photo Source: Google online images]

 

(22 NOV 2011 -  The Holidays and special remembered occasions bring their own weighted burden to one's Heart – a Birthday, a Wedding, an Anniversary, a Death, a Divorce, a Thanksgiving, a Christmas, a Valentine, a ...   At such Times, all of one's resources are needed, and lots of tissues, to pass through those potent memories so laden with Love and Pain. dht )

All too often, my thoughts turn backwards in Time – to where the memories assail.

Every time I come to a turn in the Pathways in my Life or a Time when the daily routine leaves my mind free to wander – my thoughts drift over the Past like a frequent visitor. 

I wonder anew where my Life's Journey would have taken me if I had made different choices.

Where is the Path to Peace and Happiness?  It surely cannot lie in Tomorrow, although it had its roots in Yesterday – that Path is overgrown now with the weeds of despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears.

Surviving a prolonged state of depression causes one to shift their thinking and straddle emotional distress.

The weight of my past, my memories – is an overwhelming burden that buries my feelings in despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears.

There is nothing like the holidays to bring back old memories of days gone by, lost loves, families estranged, loneliness, and the bittersweet memories of former Times – all past now leaving an emptiness in the Path.

The Last Chapter –
the last part of my Life's Journey.

HOW will it be written?  With despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears, with an unending –
never-ending sameness –

From Here-To-Tomorrow?

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

FROM WHERE I STAND

                          [Photo Source:  My photos, my camera, my backyard 2011]

(19 Nov 2011 – A heartwarming Chapter in the Book of Life touches the very core of my being when I awake to the beginning of a new day.  One of my Loves and Passions is gardening in my yard, and seeing the flowers in their planter beds fills me with a sense of well being and accomplishment.  The view of my backyard through my living room window always soothes and calms.  Mornings are one of my favorite times in my yard, where the birds and bees are busy going through their morning rituals.  dht)

  

When I step outside for the first time each day, a sweet feeling of reverence and awe washes over me.

The sky so big, the clouds so high, the Moon and Sun sharing the role of caretakers to the Earth, upon which I stand.

The path I walk is worn smooth by time and passage of those generations that braved the path before me.

The Legacy of the generations to come is to add their footprints to the Path, and to add their story to the Book of Life.

The air is fresh and clean, the day new and full of promise, my Spirit soars with the Blessings around me -- From Where I Stand.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr 2011]

EVEN SONG

              [Photo Source: Google online images]

(17 Nov 2011 -- One of my favorite times to take a stroll is in the evening after the day's demands are through.  The evening sights and sounds are emotionally nourishing and help untangle my thoughts and unravel my stress.  The wildness of Nature, the Mystery of its creatures, the panoramic beauty of the Lincoln Hills nestled to the Sierras – sets the day's events into perspective as the land stretches from the Delta Vales to the Sierras in as series of wetland course ways.  I'm truly Blessed to be alive and vertical.  dht)

As I walk during the last rays of daylight, the sky is alive with colored hues on horizon's clouds.

The evening is soft and cool – sounds are muted and distant with only the sky birds in the wild grasses.

There is magic in the starlit sky with a bright moon trading shadows as I walk along their prominence.

The colors on the horizon are gone now – replaced by the shades of night.

The sky no longer holds even the memories of Sunset.

The moon commands the celestial symphony, the stars twinkle in delight – at the music of the night.

The land slumbers peacefully now – under a blanket of Even Stars.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

GRIEF – The Invisible River

                              [Photo Source:   Google online images]

(14 NOV 2011 --  Grief takes its own time and the only way to safely pass through it to Tomorrow, is to go through it with all its stages and setbacks and tears.  dht)

Where is the vessel or bridge that affords safe crossing to the shores of Tomorrow?

The rough waters of the Invisible River of Grief are overwhelming and do not allow crossing by wading through the depths of despair.

Yet if one stands long enough looking for a way to cross to the opposite side of Grief – one could drown in the torrent of their tears.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

TIME – THE STILLER OF STORMS

                                    [Photo Source:  Google online images]

(13 NOV 2011 – How long does it take to cross the stormy waters of hurt, wounds, despair, grief, and betrayal?  A day?  A week?  A year?  A decade?  A Life Time?  Everything in its own Time – especially healing!  Forgiveness and resolution and closure – are but words to the story!  Time is the True guardian of the Heart!  dht)

  

So many of Life's events present trials that challenge the Heart, the Spirit, and the Mind.

As I reflect on some of the most turbulent periods and occasions in my past – it seems the only "True" and lasting balm was "Time".

Sometimes in a "Storm", there is NO rational thought -- just Rage and Fury.  The calm before the Storm is deceptive – and NOT a good gauge of the horrific waves in Fates Decree.

In the midst of conflict, there is NO solution, NO compromise, and NO patience.  The quiet holocaust needs must "play out" in its own way --  Time – the only True Stiller of Life's Storms.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

                              [Photo Source:  Google online images]

***************

Lost Loves - Lost Faces

                                   [Photo Source:  Google online images]
 

(12 NOV 2011 – Some images -- some words just speak to the Heart -- from the Heart.  Below are the words of my maternal Cousin Emily that have a special meaning for me this month, for I was wed in November and 'rode away' in November – and continue to miss the Faces of my Lost Loves in an absence of over 30 years.  dht)

The Face we choose to miss—

Be it but for a Day

As absent as a Hundred Years,

When it has rode away.

[Poem #1141 by Emily Elizabeth Dickinson]

 ---------------

(SO) SORRY WALTZ

[Photo Credit:  Google online images – abstract of dance waltz]

(10 NOV 2011 – Have you ever arrived at a crossroads in your Life, in a relationship, in a career, or in a situation – where you have just had it 'up to here"?  Well, I have and wrote this shorty as a tribute to all those who have caused me injury in the past, now, and whoever in future that dare! 

SHALL WE DANCE, you ask? 

I reply, NO THANKS -- I've had enough of your (SO) Sorry Waltz!  

Enjoy!  Comments welcome!  dht)

People say they are so sorry – such empty, hollow words –  for more often than NOT, people just turn right around and do their "sorry business" again and again.  "Repeat Offenders" you might call them – with habits and attitudes that don't change for better as their "sorry" might suggest!

From experience – I've learned to stay out of the Path of their "sorry business" – for if I don't, then I'm just begging to be "sorry'd" or worse.

But then there are those who don't even say "So Sorry" for the hurt they inflict, and the pain from those times is even worse.

I have known some "Sorry Card Carriers" who – after coming down from the high of doing an injury – figuratively whip out their "So Sorry Card"!!

If one looks closely at those cards, one can see the rolled edges of their worn "So Sorry Cards"!!

There is a reason for Ole Sayings -- and this one seems to fit:

Burn me Once    --   Shame on You!

Burn me Twice   --  Shame on Me !

Well, sometimes there are just some lessons in Life that have to be repeated until they are "Learned"!

So I say NOW to those "So Sorry Card Carriers" – I have (finally) learned this lesson! 

Therefore, I am giving you all Notice – starting from this moment of enlightenment – I will NOT "Sign" your "SO SORRY WALTZ DANCE CARD" ANY MORE!  Once was quite enough!

Moreover, I will try to avoid you whenever I hear you have requested the "Band" play your "So Sorry Waltz"!!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011] 

WALK ON THE WILD SIDE

[Photo Source:  My Photos, My camera, Sunset over Beaver Pond -- LOOK CLOSELY and you will see a group of birds in flight in the sunset in the TOP photo. In the photo at bottom is a beautiful Oak Tree outlined in a soft evening sunset. dht]

 (8 NOV 2011 – A walk in the evening sooths the spirit and smoothes the feathers ruffled from daily stresses. I am truly BLESSED to be able to walk and to enjoy Nature's wonders! dht)

  

Time for a walk to the Beaver Pond –

where the call of birds fills the stillness --  

where the breeze whispers in Oak Trees --

where the water tumbles over a rocky dam –

while the California Canada geese, ducks, and egrets,

perform their ritual primping. 

The wild grasses sway to Nature's Tune --

insects dance at leisure –

wild roses flirt with bees –

fish play tag in gentle waters –

the rolling hills of Lincoln

nestle in the Sierra's sheltering embrace.

A place you can hear your own footsteps,

a place you can step out of yourself,

a time to ponder and daydream,

a time to think about where you are,

where you have been,

and where the Path will lead Tomorrow.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011] 

A QUIET JOY – A TIME FORGOTTEN

(Photo Source: Google online images]

(5 NOV 2011 – There is in Nature a healing balm – available to all freely and in abundance.  When the tide of melancholia threatens to drown me, I go outside and tend to my garden, walk under the stars, or watch the clouds roll by.  It is only outside that, a certain welcome calm flows over me in a veil that shields me from transient thoughts of gloom.  dht)

As I let my head lay against a woodsy Oak –

my eyes scanned the azure Sky –

and I watched the clouds move across

a bright blue Sky.

For a moment, I forgot,

at least for the time being,

what it meant to be unhappy,

or lonesome, or depressed.

A Quiet Joy –

filled my senses –

A Joy that outlasts –

Transient sorrows.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]