IN MY MIND – IN MY HEART

[Photo Source: Google online images]

(Jan 2012 – Even happy choices have their sacrifices.  There is a place where Dreams and Reality touch and become as one – a place of complete happiness, a place of harmony in one's Life and aspirations, the heaven of Home and Hearth, contentment of domestic Family living, passion, and Love of a spouse, a well of contentment and feeling safe and secure in the bosom of a Family.  Where is there a place where Dreams and Reality touch – with A Family of my own to cherish and to Love and be Loved by?  Only in my Mind  -–  Only in my Heart.  dht)

How easy it is to let my Mind slip into a fictional Life – where there is a Loving Spouse, Children, and Family -- such are my Day Dreams and Wishful thinking.

Just a Place in my Heart where one can go for a Time – but not for long for the Pain is too intense on the return to reality – my reality!

Love is a rare and precious thing.  Not everyone gets a chance at Love.  Those few that do, have no guarantee it will be lasting.  For some Love will have to wait another day for another reality!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2012]

[Photo Source: Google online images]

The Scene in the Window

                          [Photo Source: Google online images]

(1 DEC 2011 – A song without sound – a song without music. A song is sung, but the melody is mute.  dht)

CHORUS:

    Another year passes and

   the scene in the Window changes.

A Knee is bent and a Ring accepted.

A Veil is lifted and a wedding Kiss is shared.

A Child is born and lies in its Crib.

A Gavel is struck and a Marriage is severed.

A Web appears and Youth's image is lost.

A Tear falls and a Timeless River flows.

A Pen in hand and a Life's Story is written.

A prayer of dust-to-dust and a Journey ends.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011] 

                           [Photo Source: Google online images]

Whispered Secrets in a Fog

                             [Photo Credit: Google online images]
  

(30 NOV 2011 – Some words cast new shading on everything one thinks about themselves – now, yesterday, and tomorrow.  How sharp the contrast between my Heart's Abode – now worn and faded with Time's despair – and the images that flash across a reluctant mind, as dazzling and fresh as ever.  Some memories burn too hot to ever fade in the early morning fog.  dht)

 

The softest of breezes ruffles the morning's gray Fog –

Where whispered Secrets are spoken in hushed tones –

Where wisps of a new day play in the early mist.

Astonishing how a few short fierce words can pierce the gray of the world with a single beam of insight.

Then the Sun marches forth to reveal the Mysteries of a brilliant sky –

Then the Whippets of gray disperse in the sunny warmth of a new day.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

Winter's Calling – Lost Love

                    [Photo Source: Google online images]

(29 NOV 2011 – Love's bloom died on the branch – never to easily recover from Loss, Pain, and Betrayal.  When does the Pain fade – dull its sharp focus.  The price is too high.  I simply cannot see beyond the gaping maw of my fate before me, though another may.  Some say despair is paramount when one is no longer able to sustain, even for the briefest moment, the notion that all will be well in the end.  Perhaps if they understood how many pieces my heart had broken into, they would then suffer me.  dht)

Slowly – piece-by-piece – is the process of withdrawal unto self, the Spirit withering just as leaves on the tree wither in Winter's calling.

The enfolding warmth of a bright sunny day – loving spouse and Family – fall by the wayside of a troubled Path.

Reality's illusions of Familial Love -- drop away as falling leaves absent the limbs of trees.

Whispers of Lost Love rustle in the breeze, as favorite memories of days gone by -- drop away as dead leaves from barren branches.

As Times passes through Nature's Seasons, the past becomes muted as if the Years belonged to someone else – apart – just as the leaves on the ground seem to have forgotten from whence they sprang.

All Hope of a change of Season – of Heart – with renewed sprouts forthcoming of a Litany of Longing and Affection – died as the fallen leaves from barren branches.

As the last rays of Winter's light withdraws from a frozen Landscape – a cold Heart – the Season falls into Morpheus's embrace with silent tears.

Love's Mystery withered and died – when it should have grown – pushed to the deepest corner of the Heart – where no light shines and only shadows of memories linger.

A new Spring follows the Winter's solstice for some -- for others the Change of Season cannot be weathered and can no longer "move on" with Life's Journey.

Life's Journey is a lesson of survival without Love, without sunshine, without warmth -- bereft of Hope, of Happiness, Youth, Dreams --

Forever Lost – Forever! 

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

RIP – Be Still

[Photo Source: Google online images]

(28 NOV 2011 – My weary Heart beats discordant with Time – for my Heart lies in the Past with my Memories.  Life goes on all around me as Nature takes its turn in Time with the changing of Life's seasons.  My steps are disharmonious with Nature's Time - My Heart is tired of the Loss.)  [dht-2011] 

BE STILL my weary Heart.

Listen to Nature's Heartbeat. –

In accord with the changes of Nature's Seasons.

Rest here in Nature's bosom –

In accord with the changes of My Seasons.

As one with Nature's Hourglass –

In accord with the changes of Life's Seasons.

Rest In Peace my weary Heart –

BE STILL.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

                   [Photo Source: Google online images]

FROM HERE TO TOMORROW

[Photo Source: Google online images]

 

(22 NOV 2011 -  The Holidays and special remembered occasions bring their own weighted burden to one's Heart – a Birthday, a Wedding, an Anniversary, a Death, a Divorce, a Thanksgiving, a Christmas, a Valentine, a ...   At such Times, all of one's resources are needed, and lots of tissues, to pass through those potent memories so laden with Love and Pain. dht )

All too often, my thoughts turn backwards in Time – to where the memories assail.

Every time I come to a turn in the Pathways in my Life or a Time when the daily routine leaves my mind free to wander – my thoughts drift over the Past like a frequent visitor. 

I wonder anew where my Life's Journey would have taken me if I had made different choices.

Where is the Path to Peace and Happiness?  It surely cannot lie in Tomorrow, although it had its roots in Yesterday – that Path is overgrown now with the weeds of despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears.

Surviving a prolonged state of depression causes one to shift their thinking and straddle emotional distress.

The weight of my past, my memories – is an overwhelming burden that buries my feelings in despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears.

There is nothing like the holidays to bring back old memories of days gone by, lost loves, families estranged, loneliness, and the bittersweet memories of former Times – all past now leaving an emptiness in the Path.

The Last Chapter –
the last part of my Life's Journey.

HOW will it be written?  With despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears, with an unending –
never-ending sameness –

From Here-To-Tomorrow?

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

TIME – THE STILLER OF STORMS

                                    [Photo Source:  Google online images]

(13 NOV 2011 – How long does it take to cross the stormy waters of hurt, wounds, despair, grief, and betrayal?  A day?  A week?  A year?  A decade?  A Life Time?  Everything in its own Time – especially healing!  Forgiveness and resolution and closure – are but words to the story!  Time is the True guardian of the Heart!  dht)

  

So many of Life's events present trials that challenge the Heart, the Spirit, and the Mind.

As I reflect on some of the most turbulent periods and occasions in my past – it seems the only "True" and lasting balm was "Time".

Sometimes in a "Storm", there is NO rational thought -- just Rage and Fury.  The calm before the Storm is deceptive – and NOT a good gauge of the horrific waves in Fates Decree.

In the midst of conflict, there is NO solution, NO compromise, and NO patience.  The quiet holocaust needs must "play out" in its own way --  Time – the only True Stiller of Life's Storms.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

                              [Photo Source:  Google online images]

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A QUIET JOY – A TIME FORGOTTEN

(Photo Source: Google online images]

(5 NOV 2011 – There is in Nature a healing balm – available to all freely and in abundance.  When the tide of melancholia threatens to drown me, I go outside and tend to my garden, walk under the stars, or watch the clouds roll by.  It is only outside that, a certain welcome calm flows over me in a veil that shields me from transient thoughts of gloom.  dht)

As I let my head lay against a woodsy Oak –

my eyes scanned the azure Sky –

and I watched the clouds move across

a bright blue Sky.

For a moment, I forgot,

at least for the time being,

what it meant to be unhappy,

or lonesome, or depressed.

A Quiet Joy –

filled my senses –

A Joy that outlasts –

Transient sorrows.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

THE WHEEL OF LIFE -- of TIME

                              [Photo Source : Google online images]

(5 NOV 2011 --  I've been betrayed so many Times in my Life – now it seems the "norm" for any relationship I'm in.  So, I withdraw from any contact  --  to avoid any further suffering, falsehood, and betrayal. Even while the Wheels of Time turn, I exist in the shallows and shadows behind protective masks. Even the Mirror does NOT see the depth in me.    dht)

The Wheel of Life turns –

as I hover in the shadows –

ever wading through the shoals of Time.

Another turn of the Wheel –

an essence changed –

as Time and Age blends the patterns.

How shallow the sigh –

How deep the wounds –

How superficial the mind –

How deep the emotion.

The blush of the bloom – faded –

The vessel of the bouquet – weighted –

The trivial confounds the profound –

The thoughtful masks the perception.

Another Turn of the Wheel –

Another Step on the path –

Another Year on the rung –

Another Tear on the lash.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

THIS MOMENT

[Photo Source: Google online images]

(23 OCT 2011 – Time's prisoner -- held captive by the Past!  dht-2011)

  

Mistiness clouds my eyes as I look down the Road of Yesterday.

Turning full circle, the Paths to Tomorrow seem crowded with loneliness and despair – only more days like the last, without Hope with No Horizon.

This Moment is all there is and all there will ever be – its captive all I'll ever be.

Yesterday's moments are gone – but their Passage has left deep Heart Felt Wounds.

Tomorrow's hurdles seem more than one can bear.

This moment is all the burden I can manage – it is all I can do to survive even This Moment.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

The Path Behind

                            [Photo Source: Google online images]

(23 OCT 2011 - Who is to say how long the Journey?  How long the Heartache?  How long the grieving?  Who can say – when it's done?  There is but ONE LIFE, but many ROADS and many TEARS to pave a Path!  Never again to relive those precious moments Past – Yet Never really living the Present!  Forevermore living on the sidelines and shadows! ~dht-2011)

The Past is so hard to release – 

at times, it is the only Reality –

the only Companion.

There is only the Past –

there is Nothing to take its place –

in the Here, Now, or Future.

The Path ahead holds no interest –

holds no variation –

holds no Hope.

Tis a never ending struggle –

putting one foot in front of the other –

getting through the daily serving –

of Heartache and Despair.

My daily walk -- Footsore –

with wounded Heart --

with eyes continually looking –

at The Path Behind.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

THE BURDENS SO HEAVY

                           [Photo Source: Google online images]

(23 OCT 2011 – Have you ever had a LOW where there was no light, but only the darkness of depression, where you slumped into an timelessness weighted down by the burdens in your Life without the light of Hope?  Such a surreality is a continuality twined to the Heart of many whose wounds are visible only in the eyes of their Soul.  Where is the Light to show me the Way -- to Calm my Fears -- to Dry my Tears?  ~dht-2011 )

Deep, tearing sobs, escape a Heart –

encased in utter Hopelessness and Despair.

Screams of anguish and anger echo –

through the hollow halls of my body and soul.

No longer can I continue in this way –

but neither can I retrace my footsteps or start again.

So many years full of despair, Loss, disappointment, pain, regrets –

The Burdens So Heavy.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

  

                                        [PhotoSource: Google online images]

The Well – The Walk

[Photo Source: National Geographic online images]

(24 APR 2011 – A special THANK YOU to my friend "sky-bird" for the term "Nature's crew" in this writing – which he inspired and his 'crew days' in the military that he has shared!  dht-2011)

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LOVE grows tended with a gentle heart.

THE more one LOVES, the more LOVE grows.

BUT, not all are fated to find that special someone.

IF we do, sometimes we are fated also to lose that person.

WHAT then the Loss,

SHOULD one despair for the remainder of the WALK,

OR, SHOULD one look elsewhere –

To Family, Friends, Nature's crew, Nature's bounty.

MAY not, there be that single passion called our own,

YET, others may benefit from our LOVE.

OUR WELL overflows with LOVE and needs to flow,

ELSE, it may stagnate and desiccate.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

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