Not Just Another Haunting

[Photo Source: Google internet image]

(26 Oct 2012 –

What are some of the Ghosts that intrude into your thoughts and dreams and reality?

 

For some the Ghosts are Fears from our past – memories of difficult moments when Life was not within our control.

 

Then there are the Fears of our present – when circumstances seem more than one can endure.

 

Even more challenging are the Fears for our future – where any Hope is threatened for personal safety, health and independence, financial security, emotional fulfillment, and faith in God.

 

Our peace of mind is threatened by our Fears – as much or more than the Ghosts and Horrors in Halloween Stories.

 

The Demons (ghosts) that traverse (haunt) our Thoughts (corridors of our brain) begin with our birth and continue throughout our life until death's end. 

 

One may feel alone and vulnerable when faced with the terrors and Fears that confront our body and mind.

 

Especially during periods of loss and grief, our emotional and mental capacity is stretched almost beyond endurance -- Tears and Fears run rampant.

 

In a sense, this is a period of mental distress (mental illness, insanity), where Life may seem unfair, without hope, over whelming, and not worth the next breath.  Where the external 'Ghosts' are put to the pale by the internal Ghosts that confront us.

 

Some may not find their way through this period, this labyrinth, without the loving support of a 'host' of family, friends, and prayers.

 

Dorothy Hazel Tarr)



[Photo Source: Google internet image]

 

Below is Poem #670, written by my maternal Cousin Emily Elizabeth Dickinson (born 10 Dec 1830 – died 15 May 1886 at age 56).  Emily uses metaphor to examine the "mind" and likens it as the residence of our Fears.  Emily penned this poem while living in Massachusetts, during the uncertain and chaotic days following the American Civil War 1861-1865.  She was confronted with illness and emotional turmoil within her home (parents, siblings, and herself) from early life through death's end of family, friends, and herself.  Her Life was full of challenges—overwhelming in their singularity and solitudity.

 

[Photo Source: Google internet image]

[By Emily Elizabeth Dickinson – Poem #670]

 

One need not be a Chamber -- to be Haunted --

One need not be a House --

The Brain has Corridors -- surpassing

Material Place --

 

Far safer, of a Midnight Meeting

External Ghost

Than its interior Confronting --

That Cooler Host.

 

Far safer, through an Abbey gallop,

The Stones a'chase --

Than Unarmed, one's a'self encounter --

In lonesome Place --

 

Ourself behind ourself, concealed --

Should startle most --

Assassin hid in our Apartment

Be Horror's least.

 

The Body -- borrows a Revolver --

He bolts the Door --

O'erlooking a superior spectre --

Or More – 

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[Photo Source: Google internet image]

A Touch Beyond

[Photo source: Google internet image]

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(23 Oct 2012 -- When does it ever get easier to say farewell to those who have touched your Heart?  To walk without them by your side?  To 'move on' without them in your reality?  To sleep without them in your dreams?  To 'go on' to your Tomorrow?  ~dht)

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[Photo source: Google internet image "leafy kiss"]

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OH !   First Love!

 

So hard to believe this Love is real -

And found its way to the door of your Heart.

 

Your tears care for it in times of trial –

Your joy cheers for it when happiness overflows.

 

Your Heart remains captive to Love's embrace -

Even after sad farewells and beyond touch.

 

~Dorothy Hazel Tarr 

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[Photo source: Google internet image]

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DREAMS SURRENDERED

                        [Photo Source: Google internet images]

(9 June 2012 – How does one say farewell to the Hopes and Dreams of youth?  For many, Hope is the only thing that remains of a tattered Life.  Dreams the only realm where reality gives way – so one can Live with Peace and Happiness.  What does one do?  Where will Life's Journey take one?  When at last, the Hopes and Dreams of a Lifetime are finally gone?  dht)

There was a Time when youthful optimism filled each day and laid lightly on my shoulders.

Albeit, Fortune's Folly was swift to stamp out all remaining embers of Hope that mayhap lingered.

How reluctant to release one's hold - fastened so steadfast to Hopes and Dreams of Love, Family, and Friends.

For so long one's Hopes and Dreams were the Only Companions on Life's Road toward destiny.

Alas, finally, the Hopes for Tomorrow are forfeit and the Dreams Surrendered.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

Stepping Through – The Risks / The Promises

[Photo Source: Google online images]

(Jan 2012 – A handful of vanished years gone too soon.  So many unfulfilled Hopes and Dreams.  So many disappointments and regrets living with People who do not return one's Love, Friendship, or Respect.  It is unbearable to care so much, and not to be cared for in return.  There is always the Promise of Tomorrow – Hope for a better Life.  There is only the effort to gather your courage and take the risk and Step Through the Mirror.  dht) 

Stepping through the Mirror of Today into Tomorrow is a risk, where something new can pose a sudden threat and where a terrifying state could be waiting for one on the other side of Today to be dealt with as best one can.  Once one takes that Step to "move on", life will never be the same – all that is Now – this Moment – will pass away.  "Moving on" is a risk accompanied commonly by new dangers to be faced, new challenges to be confronted, and new hurdles to overcome.

There are "People" who "move on" in their Lives, Loves, Interests, and leave behind a landscape of discarded spirits scorched and barren, where no seeds of happiness can find ground to root and grow.  Life is short in the Winter Years – there is no time for repeat performances by the "People" who affect one's Life in a negative manner – so remaining alone and divorced and estranged from those "People" is the lesser risk.

The Past – with all its joys and sorrows is safe ground and familiar from frequent traversing.  The Past holds few risks – only remembered regrets and disappointments and tears – some surprises though, too, as New Insight surface from deep reflections of events Displaced in Time.

Loneliness is Loneliness – no matter the number of facebook "friends", extended Family, or acquaintances.  The Winter Years present choices for sure, but Seniors have to accept whatever is offered – whatever is leftover – whenever and where ever – whether it is "Enough" or "Not Enough".  Always Waiting for Love, Hugs, Comfort, Companionship, and Caring.

The Promises of Tomorrow are always ahead – in the Future – a shining lure of happiness just out of reach – untouchable.  Stepping through the Mirror of Today into Tomorrow is a test of courage – a test a few are unable to pass and so Live in the Past or leave Life.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2012] 

[Photo Source: Google online images]

Whispered Secrets in a Fog

                             [Photo Credit: Google online images]
  

(30 NOV 2011 – Some words cast new shading on everything one thinks about themselves – now, yesterday, and tomorrow.  How sharp the contrast between my Heart's Abode – now worn and faded with Time's despair – and the images that flash across a reluctant mind, as dazzling and fresh as ever.  Some memories burn too hot to ever fade in the early morning fog.  dht)

 

The softest of breezes ruffles the morning's gray Fog –

Where whispered Secrets are spoken in hushed tones –

Where wisps of a new day play in the early mist.

Astonishing how a few short fierce words can pierce the gray of the world with a single beam of insight.

Then the Sun marches forth to reveal the Mysteries of a brilliant sky –

Then the Whippets of gray disperse in the sunny warmth of a new day.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

FROM HERE TO TOMORROW

[Photo Source: Google online images]

 

(22 NOV 2011 -  The Holidays and special remembered occasions bring their own weighted burden to one's Heart – a Birthday, a Wedding, an Anniversary, a Death, a Divorce, a Thanksgiving, a Christmas, a Valentine, a ...   At such Times, all of one's resources are needed, and lots of tissues, to pass through those potent memories so laden with Love and Pain. dht )

All too often, my thoughts turn backwards in Time – to where the memories assail.

Every time I come to a turn in the Pathways in my Life or a Time when the daily routine leaves my mind free to wander – my thoughts drift over the Past like a frequent visitor. 

I wonder anew where my Life's Journey would have taken me if I had made different choices.

Where is the Path to Peace and Happiness?  It surely cannot lie in Tomorrow, although it had its roots in Yesterday – that Path is overgrown now with the weeds of despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears.

Surviving a prolonged state of depression causes one to shift their thinking and straddle emotional distress.

The weight of my past, my memories – is an overwhelming burden that buries my feelings in despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears.

There is nothing like the holidays to bring back old memories of days gone by, lost loves, families estranged, loneliness, and the bittersweet memories of former Times – all past now leaving an emptiness in the Path.

The Last Chapter –
the last part of my Life's Journey.

HOW will it be written?  With despair, pain, regrets, grief, and tears, with an unending –
never-ending sameness –

From Here-To-Tomorrow?

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]

GRIEF – The Invisible River

                              [Photo Source:   Google online images]

(14 NOV 2011 --  Grief takes its own time and the only way to safely pass through it to Tomorrow, is to go through it with all its stages and setbacks and tears.  dht)

Where is the vessel or bridge that affords safe crossing to the shores of Tomorrow?

The rough waters of the Invisible River of Grief are overwhelming and do not allow crossing by wading through the depths of despair.

Yet if one stands long enough looking for a way to cross to the opposite side of Grief – one could drown in the torrent of their tears.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

WALK ON THE WILD SIDE

[Photo Source:  My Photos, My camera, Sunset over Beaver Pond -- LOOK CLOSELY and you will see a group of birds in flight in the sunset in the TOP photo. In the photo at bottom is a beautiful Oak Tree outlined in a soft evening sunset. dht]

 (8 NOV 2011 – A walk in the evening sooths the spirit and smoothes the feathers ruffled from daily stresses. I am truly BLESSED to be able to walk and to enjoy Nature's wonders! dht)

  

Time for a walk to the Beaver Pond –

where the call of birds fills the stillness --  

where the breeze whispers in Oak Trees --

where the water tumbles over a rocky dam –

while the California Canada geese, ducks, and egrets,

perform their ritual primping. 

The wild grasses sway to Nature's Tune --

insects dance at leisure –

wild roses flirt with bees –

fish play tag in gentle waters –

the rolling hills of Lincoln

nestle in the Sierra's sheltering embrace.

A place you can hear your own footsteps,

a place you can step out of yourself,

a time to ponder and daydream,

a time to think about where you are,

where you have been,

and where the Path will lead Tomorrow.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011] 

Somewhere-In-Between

                            [Photo Source:  Google online images]

(25 OCT 2011 --   THERE are so are many In-Between stages in Life: Youth and Old Age, Childhood and Adulthood, Engagement and Marriage, Student and Graduate, Marriage and Divorce, Spring and Winter, and ...  WHERE you are NOW and WHERE  you will be TOMORROW.  dht-2011)

THERE was a day of birth –

so many years ago.

THERE is a day of death –

come nearer even now.

THERE is then - only this moment In-Between –

where Life lives somehow.

OUR Yesterdays are history –

written on the wind.

OUR Tomorrow a Dream –

misted in Hope.

OUR Today a gamble or a guarantee –

Somewhere – In - Between.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr - 2011]