Monday

LOSS – A Sure Thing

                    [Photo Source: GOOGLE online images]



So many things one encounters in LIFE'S JOURNEY are chancy.  I've heard it said that the only things 'for sure' are death and taxes.  Well, I've another that could be added to that list of 'for sures' – LOSS. 

Below is a short prose that I found on the internet by an unknown author.  It says in so many words how one can misplace the value of something, albeit -- grandparents, parents, spouse, children, friends, pets, health, wealth, youth, beauty, eye sight, hearing, limbs , mobility, independence, freedom, faith, trust, love -- the list is endless.

What would YOU put on YOUR LIST?

Submitted by:  Dorothy Hazel Tarr






To realize
The value of a sister / brother --
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years --  
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years --  
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year --  
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months --  
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month --  
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week --  
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute --  
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one second --  
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

To realize
The value of a friend or family member --  
LOSE ONE.

Time waits for no one --
Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when --
You can share it with someone special.

Remember....
Hold on tight to the ones you love as long as you can! 



Below are just some closing thoughts – just some one-liners really – make of them what you will!

The JOURNEY ahead is shorter with each passing MOMENT! 

ONE day – all too soon, it will only be a treasured memory!

Love conquers all and overcomes all obstacles.  Or, so some would have you believe.

Gains and loss are part of MOTHER NATURE's grand design. 

When I plant seeds in my garden, I gain a bountiful harvest.  The seed is lost, when the plant grows.  The bounty is lost, when the harvest is gathered.

My childhood dreams were lost, when I realized adolescence.

My dreams of a family are lost, when I got divorced.

My dreams of being a grandparent were lost, when my daughter "sided" with my ex-spouse.

I hope I live long enough to LOVE again.

You are still in my life --  NO, NOT REALLY!

You are out of my life --  NO, NOT YET!

The art of losing is not hard to master -- I practice my "art" each day.

The stages of loss and recovery overlap, but each stage is necessary and a natural part of the healing process.  BUT, I have been in the "healing process" for years!!

I sit in a corner of my mind and cry until I am numb thinking how much I have missed.

I will know when I am ready to move on with my life -- when I accept that life without you is possible.

The only difference in my recovery from one loss or another loss, is the time it takes for me to heal and the depth of pain I feel from the loss.

My healing has a beginning, middle, and maybe an end.  However, the middle is overwhelming me these past many years!

Daily I ask myself, "Am I strong enough to bear the loss of your love?"  The answer is, "Well, you made 'til morning, again!"

There was nothing to do when I lost your love, just accept it and hurt—for years!  Will the hurt never end?!

Some say misery loves company, and mutual suffering eases the pain.  However, friends and family do not have the patience to extend support and encouragement when my JOURNEY of healing has taken over 40 years!

Will I ever love again?  Will love ever find me again?  Will I ever feel "good" again?

The good part of my pain is that it is proof that I am still alive and am surviving.

My loss of love frightens me and feels like a bottomless pit of hopelessness.

I try to run away from the feelings of hurt, desolation, and isolation, but I cannot bury them deep enough, for they emerge with the FIRST Country-and-Western song I hear.

I punish myself with the "if only's".

I cannot forget that I LOVE YOU!

I cannot forget that YOU NO LONGER LOVE ME (if you ever did).

The greater the loss, the more time it takes to heal.  My loss was over 40 years ago, and I am still testing the healing timeline "rule".

My healing these past 40 years since the loss of your love, has been full of ups and downs, leaps forward in the healing, and huge depressing backslides into despair.

The memories of loving you are painful and destructive to my peace of mind.

Before I can progress through this "healing", I have to first get "out of love" with you, which will NOT happen in my lifetime!

I place my hands on my heart and abdomen when they are in turmoil and just try to take deep breaths in slowly and exhale fully.

I take lots of naps and rest a lot, for I cannot sleep because of my dreams of you.

My research into my Family Origins and History help me maintain a sense of structure and order, and give me a feeling of being "connected" again.

I work until late at night on my genealogy on ANCESTRY, until I am exhausted and tired enough to fall asleep and hope I find my dreams are NOT NIGHTMARES!

My plan NOW is to "get over you"; tomorrow I will survive and "move on".

Nothing was as important to me as you were, although at the time I remember thinking that I had so many other important things to accomplish and get done.

GOD let me lean on you until I can stand alone, PLEASE!

I place my hands over my heart when it "hurts", and say to myself, "I am here for you.  I love you."

All the goodness of my life is gone, first you and our daughter, then joy, freedom, and security -- I live in the shadows still.

Holidays are the worst sort of torture without you and our daughter and grandchildren.

These feelings of separateness and isolation will pass, and I WILL get better -- Won't I?

My garden is full of color and blooms, but it is also full of weeds and thorns, and insects.

Before I can experience the happiness of healing, I have to traverse the pathways of pain of separation, rejection, loss of love, and divorce.

My future offers the temptations of rediscovering life, friends, self, and maybe a new LOVE.

I am tempted and want to "skip" the mourning and grieving process, but I know that the only way to recovery is to go "through" each stage of the healing process.  However, 40 years is a long time!  If I do not go "through" the process completely, I know the pain and grief can return later.  Still, 40 years is a long time!

Grief has been "quiet" for a time and I thought it was "done"; NOW, it has returned years later to destroy and threaten my life.

As I look NOW at my hurts and loss, I wonder whether my current situation has reactivated any prior and unhealed losses, and whether old wounds have been reopened that never fully healed.

 [dht]

LIFE – NOT JUST A MERRY-GO-ROUND

          [PHOTO SOURCE: GOOGLE online images 'Merry Go Round']



[April 2012 -- Don't ask me why I wrote this and paired it with a Merry-Go-Round, for there are no children in the senior community where I reside and I rarely see a playground.  So just, put it down as thinking fanciful thoughts about my Life and all that has gone on about me, while I was waiting for my turn to 'ride'.]
Submitted by: Dorothy Hazel Tarr



Have you ever watched children on the playground taking turns on the Merry-Go-Round ride?

I recall, like it was yesterday, climbing on the Merry-Go-Round and feeling the breeze brush my cheeks, and getting a little dizzy watching the world spin around me.

Yes, the world seemed to spin around me, and I was at its center (my favorite and choicest spot).  The center spot was the easiest place to be if others were pushing the merry-go-round, for one could just enjoy the ride without expending any effort.

When I was in an adventurist mode, I would hang on the bars at the edge and run alongside to push and make it go round faster; then jump on to the edge and feel the G-force of the fast ride.  Sometimes I would hang out a hand or foot to feel the rush of my blood flow to my fingers and toes—it felt good to be so alive and youthful.

Oh, those were the days!

But, you know what!  My LIFE has been spinning around me all the time, while I was seemingly getting ready for the ride.  First, I went to school, college, marriage, child birthing, raising a small family, then more college and a career, then divorce, and it just went by faster and faster.

Now at the end of my ride, in my Winter Years, I look back and tears flood my eyes at all that went by – just spinning about me.  Little is left from those years that sped by so quickly.

My grandparents, aunts, uncles, mother, cousins, and friends have all finished their rides (aka died) and I'm alone here.  And, it is just no fun pushing that ole Merry-Go-Round by myself.



             [PHOTO SOURCE: GOOGLE online images 'Merry Go Round']


---------------

SOURCE LINKS—
 
The History of the Merry Go Round:
Def: On the playground, the merry-go-round is generally a simple, child-powered rotating platform with bars and/or handles for children to hold onto while riding.  Merry-go-rounds on the playground and colorful carousels at the theme park have fascinated and delighted both children and adults for many, many years.  They will continue to be a source of entertainment for years to come as future generations enjoy the thrill of the wind whipping through their hair as they ride the “flying horses.”

[http://www.infobarrel.com/The_History_of_the_Merry_Go_Round]




Tuesday

WHAT'S IN A DAY?

                (Photo Source:   Google internet images)


(17 Apr 2012 -- Sometimes the day is so full of things to do and thoughts to ponder, that it becomes so easy to overlook the current moments in TODAY!  This is a reminder to myself to be in the moment for there is no other!  dht)



Look to the future – but not so far as to miss Today!
Remember the past – but not so far as to miss Today!
Plan elaborate schemes -- but not so far as to miss Today!
Dream wistfully – but not so far as to miss Today!
Today is all there is!
Today is all there ever will be!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

Sunday

MY APRIL FOOLERY BLOG


April foolery

 April is a month of foolery.  In the poem below (written by my maternal DNA Cousin Emily), Emily uses words almost like music in their cadence to articulate the spiritual connection to Nature's changing landscape with the promise of Spring and the Summer days of June, when the Birds and Bees and Leaves come out to witness the warm altered air.  The weather – ever a fickle component – is ever changing in April where the last threats of frost wane to the warmth of Spring.  [dht]

[Photo Courtesy of Stephan Rea Richardson Senior: Photo taken with his camera of a plant budding with new leaves {that is his thumb in the photo--just a personal touch.} One of my personal FAVs!]

Emily Elizabeth Dickinson – Poem #130

These are the days when Birds come back --
A very few --  a Bird or two --
To take a backward look.


These are the days when skies resume
The old --  old sophistries of June —
A blue and gold mistake.


Oh fraud that cannot cheat the Bee --
Almost thy plausibility
Induces my belief.


Till ranks of seeds their witness bear --
And softly thro' the altered air
Hurries a timed leaf.


Oh Sacrament of summer days,
Oh Last Communion in the Haze --
Permit a child to join.


Thy sacred emblems to partake --
Thy consecrated bread to break
And thine immortal wine!
  

Indian Summer foolery

The changing days of April are a mirror of the harlequinade of Autumn where the weather puts on a silent pantomime with the elements of frost, warm dry days, rain, and hail.  The temperatures perform a chase up and down the weather barometer gamboling with the hats and coats of those that walk the earth.  [dht]

One of my favorite tales revolves around images seen through the distortion of glass and water and the foolishness and fickleness of fate – and depth of darkness and Love.  (Does that sound like the fickle finger of fate?)  The tale is told by Alfred Lord Tennyson in his poem entitled "The Lady of Shalott", published in 1833 and the second book of poetry he wrote.  (Tennyson worked on his writing with great effort for he was extremely shortsighted so that he needed a monocle to see even to eat).  



                [Photo Credit:  GOOGLE online images]

Alfred Tennyson, 1st Baron Tennyson, FRS (born 6 August 1809 – died 6 October 1892 at age 83) was Poet Laureate of the United Kingdom during much of Queen Victoria's reign and remains one of the most popular poets in the English language.

He wrote two versions of the poem, a Victorian ballad, like his other early poems – "Sir Lancelot and Queen Guinevere" and "Galahad" – the poem recasts Arthurian subject matter loosely based on the Arthurian legend of Elaine of Astolat, as recounted in a thirteenth-century Italian novella titled Donna di Scalotta (No. lxxxii in the collection Cento Novelle Antiche), with the earlier version being closer to the source material than the later.  Tennyson focused on the Lady's "isolation in the tower and her decision to participate in the living world, two subjects not even mentioned in Donna di Scalotta."  

Some researchers and critics have suggested that The Lady of Shalott is a representation of how Tennyson viewed society; the distance at which other people are in the lady's eyes is symbolic of the distance he feels from society.  The fact that she only sees them through a windowpane is significant of the way in which Shalott and Tennyson see the world—in a filtered sense (and thus my reference to images seen through glass and water).  This distance is therefore linked to the artistic license Tennyson often wrote about.


                           [Photo Credit:  GOOGLE online images.]
           [John William Waterhouse's The Lady of Shalott, 1888,  Tate Gallery, London]


Synopsis – The Lady of Shalott

The first stanzas describe a pastoral setting.  The Lady of Shalott lives in an island castle in a river which flows to Camelot, but little is known about her by the local farmers.

PART I

On either side the river lie
 Long fields of barley and of rye,
 That clothe the wold and meet the sky;
 And thro' the field the road runs by
 To many-tower'd Camelot;
 And up and down the people go,
 Gazing where the lilies blow
 Round an island there below,
 The island of Shalott.

Willows whiten, aspens quiver,
Little breezes dusk and shiver
Thro' the wave that runs for ever
By the island in the river
Flowing down to Camelot.
Four gray walls, and four gray towers,
Overlook a space of flowers,
And the silent isle imbowers
The Lady of Shalott.

By the margin, willow-veil'd
Slide the heavy barges trail'd
By slow horses; and unhail'd
The shallop flitteth silken-sail'd
Skimming down to Camelot:
But who hath seen her wave her hand?
Or at the casement seen her stand?
Or is she known in all the land,
The Lady of Shalott?

Only reapers, reaping early
In among the bearded barley,
Hear a song that echoes cheerly
From the river winding clearly,
Down to tower'd Camelot:
And by the moon the reaper weary,
Piling sheaves in uplands airy,
Listening, whispers " 'Tis the fairy
Lady of Shalott".

Several Stanzas describe the lady's life.  She suffers from a mysterious curse, and must continually weave images on her loom without ever looking directly out at the world.  Instead, she looks into a mirror, which reflects the busy road and the people of Camelot, which pass by her island.

PART II

There she weaves by night and day
A magic web with colours gay.
She has heard a whisper say,
A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot.
She knows not what the curse may be,
And so she weaveth steadily,
And little other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott.

And moving thro' a mirror clear
That hangs before her all the year,
Shadows of the world appear.
There she sees the highway near
Winding down to Camelot:
There the river eddy whirls,
And there the surly village-churls,
And the red cloaks of market girls,
Pass onward from Shalott.

Sometimes a troop of damsels glad,
An abbot on an ambling pad,
Sometimes a curly shepherd-lad,
Or long-hair'd page in crimson clad,
Goes by to tower'd Camelot;

And sometimes thro' the mirror blue
The knights come riding two and two:
She hath no loyal knight and true,
The Lady of Shalott.

But in her web she still delights
To weave the mirror's magic sights,
For often thro' the silent nights
A funeral, with plumes and lights,
And music, went to Camelot:
Or when the moon was overhead,
Came two young lovers lately wed;
"I am half-sick of shadows," said
The Lady of Shalott.

PART III

A bow-shot from her bower-eaves,
He rode between the barley sheaves,
The sun came dazzling thro' the leaves,
And flamed upon the brazen greaves
Of bold Sir Lancelot.
A redcross knight for ever kneel'd
To a lady in his shield,
That sparkled on the yellow field,
Beside remote Shalott.

The gemmy bridle glitter'd free,
Like to some branch of stars we see
Hung in the golden Galaxy.
The bridle bells rang merrily
As he rode down to Camelot:
And from his blazon'd baldric slung
A mighty silver bugle hung,
And as he rode his armour rung,
Beside remote Shalott.

The reflected images are described as "shadows of the world," a metaphor that makes clear that they are a poor substitute for seeing directly ("I am half-sick of shadows.")  In these Stanzas is described "bold Sir Lancelot" as he rides by, and is seen by the lady.


All in the blue unclouded weather
Thick-jewell'd shone the saddle-leather,
The helmet and the helmet-feather
Burn'd like one burning flame together,
As he rode down to Camelot.
As often thro' the purple night,
Below the starry clusters bright,
Some bearded meteor, trailing light,
Moves over still Shalott.

His broad clear brow in sunlight glow'd;
On burnish'd hooves his war-horse trode;
From underneath his helmet flow'd
His coal-black curls as on he rode,
As he rode down to Camelot.
From the bank and from the river
He flashed into the crystal mirror,
"Tirra lirra," by the river
Sang Sir Lancelot.


The following stanzas describe the effect on the lady of seeing Lancelot; she stops weaving and looks out her window toward Camelot, bringing about the curse.

She left the web, she left the loom;
She made three paces thro' the room,
She saw the water-lily bloom,
She saw the helmet and the plume,
She look'd down to Camelot.
Out flew the web and floated wide;
The mirror crack'd from side to side;
"The curse is come upon me," cried
The Lady of Shalott.

PART IV

In the stormy east-wind straining,
The pale yellow woods were waning,
The broad stream in his banks complaining,
Heavily the low sky raining
Over tower'd Camelot;
Down she came and found a boat
Beneath a willow left afloat,
And round about the prow she wrote
'The Lady of Shalott.'

In the two lines above, The Lady names her boat and writes the name of the boat on the prow "The Lady of Shalott."


And down the river's dim expanse --
Like some bold seër in a trance,
Seeing all his own mischance--
With a glassy countenance
Did she look to Camelot.
And at the closing of the day
She loosed the chain, and down she lay;
The broad stream bore her far away,
The Lady of Shalott.

Lying, robed in snowy white
That loosely flew to left and right--
The leaves upon her falling light--
Thro' the noises of the night
She floated down to Camelot;
And as the boat-head wound along
The willowy hills and fields among,
They heard her singing her last song,
The Lady of Shalott.

Heard a carol, mournful, holy,
Chanted loudly, chanted lowly,
Till her blood was frozen slowly,
And her eyes were darken'd wholly,
Turn'd to tower'd Camelot;
For ere she reach'd upon the tide
The first house by the water-side,
Singing in her song she died,
The Lady of Shalott.

Under tower and balcony,
By garden-wall and gallery,
A gleaming shape she floated by,
["A corse" (1853) is a variant for the "Dead-pale" of 1857.]
Dead-pale between the houses high,
Silent into Camelot.
Out upon the wharfs they came,
Knight and burgher, lord and dame,
And round the prow they read her name,
'The Lady of Shalott'

 In the two lines above, they read the name of the boat on its prow "The Lady of Shalott".

So she leaves her tower, finds a boat upon which she writes her name, and floats down the river to Camelot.  She dies before arriving at the palace.  Among the knights and ladies who see her is - Lancelot, who thinks she is lovely.


Who is this? and what is here?
And in the lighted palace near
Died the sound of royal cheer;
And they cross'd themselves for fear,
All the knights at Camelot:
But Lancelot mused a little space;
He said, "She has a lovely face;
God in his mercy lend her grace,
The Lady of Shalott". 

*****

Related tales:  Agatha Christie wrote a Miss Marple mystery entitled "The Mirror Crack'd From Side to Side", which was made into a movie starring Angela Lansbury.  Tirra Lirra by the River, by Australian novelist Jessica Anderson, is the story of a modern woman's decision to break out of confinement.


SOURCE LINKS: 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lady_of_Shalott
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:JWW_TheLadyOfShallot_1888.jpg
http://www.victorianweb.org/authors/tennyson/tennybio.html
http://www.pathguy.com/shalott.htm
http://www.online-literature.com/donne/720/
                         [Photo Courtesy of Jean Elder:  Self Portrait Moment]


 TOMFOOLERY

SO NOW -- ARE YOU READY FOR SOME APRIL FOOL'S DAY - '
TOM FOOLERY '???

What is 'tom foolery' you say?

Several online sources proffer some interesting descriptions.   

In brief, 'tomfoolery' is a noun (defined as foolish, silly, or senseless behavior of a 'tomfool') with word origins well rooted in history.  This phrase's origin is quite surprising.  The general public was allowed into mental hospitals or asylums in the Middle Ages in order to be amused by the actions of the residents there.  Interestingly, one such asylum was called Bedlam, a corruption of Bethlehem, its real name.  The audience's favorite "performers" were often nicknamed Tom Fool, and that popular nickname came to be applied to the antics of the asylum residents, and then its meaning was softened to mean `silly behavior' in general.  Today's usage comes from a pseudo-name, Tom Fool "half-wit", originally a demeaning term for someone suffering from mental illness.  The word seldom implies stupidity today and it never refers to mental retardation.  Rather it implies impish silliness or even mild trickery.


Etymology Origin

Tom (Origin: a common stereotypical male given nickname for Thomas -- originally a Greek first name) + fool (Origin: Middle English fōl ("fool") from Old French fol ("fool") (French fou ("mad")) from Latin follis)  + ery Origin: Middle English, Anglo-Norman and Old French -erie, from Late Latin -aria, or by addition of -ie (Latin -ia) to Old French nouns of agency in –ier, a suffix forming abstract nouns.

tomfool Origin: earlier Tom Fool, as in Tom o'Bedlam, poor Tom, names formerly applied to the demented and retarded. 

[Tom was often used in personification before nouns, thus Tom Long is a person who takes a long time to tell a story', or Tom Piper 'is a piper' (this one is found in Spenser).  As a (fictitious) proper name, Tom Fool is first recorded in the fourteenth century, in a sense a person who plays the part of a fool in various dramas; later 'buffoon' appears in usage by the seventeenth century.  The generic sense 'a foolish person' is first recorded in the early eighteenth century.  The noun tomfoolery, an intensification of the existing foolery, is first recorded in the early nineteenth century.]

SOURCE LINK 
[ http://www.memidex.com/tomfoolery ]

---------------

ARE you still with me on this tomfoolery gambol?
So are you ready for a little tomfoolery and silliness?

IF YES, then can you answer this AGE OLD QUESTION?

What is the name of the moon in earth's orbital sky?  [dht]
(SPECIAL NOTE:
IF you want to know the answer to this AGE OLD QUESTION, just leave a comment on this BLOG posting so I can get back to you!)

NOTE:  ANY errors in this BLOG posting are my own! Feel free to leave a comment if you want too!

HAPPY  APRIL  FOOL'S  DAY – 1 APR 2012 [Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

---------------
     [Photo Credit: GOOGLE online images - not who you think it is, but a good look-alike.]
---------------