(1 Nov 2012 – Before I began my Journey into the 'World of
Grief', the idea of heartache,
sorrow, and depression were mere words.
True, there was pain in my Life – bruised knees, skinned elbows, foot
blisters, toothache; but these were just teasers for the kind of sadness that
can tear one's Life apart – that can cripple one from the loss of a spouse,
children, family, and friends.
Even after over 50 years, it is hard for me to see other couples,
children, family, and friends at a park, shopping, in church, or wherever. Usually my eyes tear when I see a couple who
are middle aged and even older—and I feel the pain of loss for that intimacy between
spouses. When that band of gold left the
finger on my left hand, so many Dreams left too, with only the memories of what
Love could have been if you'd Loved me. That
secondhand band of gold and some faded photos are all that is left.
It is a double-edged blessing to look at photos -- tears
and smiles; albeit so hard to look at them, I would not part from the photos
for the world. A photo is a prelude to a
memory kept ever fresh and alive of moments lost to the past.
The Journey through this 'World of Grief' is
a daily struggle, it robs one of energy, financial stability, sensibility, joy,
happiness, health, companionship, family, hope, faith, and all that is embraced by Love, support, and
more.
Emotions come flooding and driving me to my knees in prayer
and grief. It is so hard to 'move on' to
any kind of Future, when the Past is always intruding into the Present.
There are times when even a fragrance, a song, an image, or
a thought bring on a flooding of emotions.
I've heard it is said that there are 'Stages
to Grief' that one must pass through
at their own pace to find healing and peace.
Well, that is just not true! Sometime
the 'Stages to Grief' follow a circular pattern, and one can only
follow where it leads moment by moment, for there is no 'healing' only some
'scaring' that reopen with the next tear the 'Wounds of Grief' .
Dorothy Hazel Tarr)
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[Photo
source: Google online image]
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The Holidays extrude a sense of joy and happiness – its tendrils reaching
out to enfold.
My Life seems warmed and enriched by the gay colorful trappings and wrappings
which symbolize the season.
Yet how Cold – how Empty my Life is in comparison to the facade of
those surrounds.
Sweet dreams that my Life would be full of Love with a Future bright
with Family – have faded.
Hope of what could have been Rears then Dies in a Heartbeat – leaving
behind the ache of a solitary and yearning Heart.
Such foolish Maunderings intrude
upon my thoughts during Holidays.
Folly really – to compare my Life with others.
True, it's not all it could be, but many could not wish for more from
Life.
(Dorothy Hazel Tarr)
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[Photo
source: Google online image]
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[Photo
source: Google online image]
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